Romantic Comedies.

I used to watch Rom-Coms for the meeting. That pivotal moment when the two main characters meet for the first time...or see each other romantically for the first time. I would watch the courtship. I would watch the lust blossom into love. I would forget that these two people did not truly exist on this planet. I would believe with my whole heart that they were somewhere not so far from me living their idyllic life. I watched the movie to watch two people fall in love.

I watch Rom-Coms now for the ending. I no longer focus on the courtship so much as the happily ever after. I watch them fall in love, overcome obstacles and then everything is wonderful. I've always loved Rom-Coms, but I've been craving them like crazy lately. After watching Catch and Release, I stopped and really thought about why I was watching so many of these cookie-cutter movies. I think it's because I'm past the courtship, the falling in love parts. I am now in this horrible limbo between the falling and the forever. My happily ever after still seems a little out of my grasp. So, I watch these movies and watch these fictional characters fall madly in love and leave me with their happy smiles.

It's a double-edged sword, these movies. I can't help but smile when I'm watching them, but as soon as the credits begin to roll my thoughts travel thousands of miles to Iraq, to the place where my love resides. I miss him less when I'm watching and more when it's over.

I feel like there are two of me. There's the one that is married and in love and happy. Then there's the one that is alone, scared and insecure. I want so desperately to be the former every single day, but in reality, I'm mostly the latter. Maybe it's not healthy to just be waiting for my life to start, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do in the meantime. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, to navigate. I don't doubt that I will come out on the other end stronger, but I have no idea how I will get there.

Goodnight.

S.