Off to MeMe's

There are two types of grandmothers: sweet and ornery. Brian's grandmother is the latter. She is easily angered and holds grudges. Luckily I (and Brian) have managed to stay on her good side for the last almost-8 years.

Brian and his grandmother at our wedding in 2009.

Neither of us have seen her since our church wedding in 2009. We haven't been to visit her since before Brian joined the Army in 2007. Brian has been pretty good about calling her on a semi-regular basis, but I suppose we're due for some face time.

The thing is, neither of us is particularly looking forward to this trip. I work all day tomorrow and then we have to drive all the way there after that. We'll spend Saturday with her, but we don't have any plans so there's a decent chance most of the day will be spent staring at each other and making semi-awkward small talk.

So this visit may be more obligation than anything else, but it's one of those things you just gotta do. She loves Brian, has been incredibly supportive of his career, and never misses either of our birthdays. I think we owe her.

She also has some impressive collections of random junk. Maybe I can find some cool stuff to bring back with us. Plus, it's never a bad weekend when it is spent in Texas! :)

((Today is my FIL's birthday. Card was sent and received and the necessary phone call was made.))

In closer-to-home news, Brian made a work decision today that pretty much solidified the rest of our time here. There's a better than decent chance that we'll have Deployment #4 under our belts before we PCS. The good news for Brian and his career, though, is that we are officially on the downhill side of this duty station. I know I'll be sad to leave, but I don't necessarily mind. It's an adventure, right?

Pity Party

Today was a long day at work. It was long despite not seeing any of my kiddos. A student intern took over my caseload for the day which meant that there were people all up in my business all day (the intern and her supervisor). On one hand it's awesome not to have to think and plan for the day, but on the other hand it's tiring dealing adults (as opposed to snotty children) and answering questions about your kiddos left and right. I'm not a student anymore, but I can't help feeling inadequate and judged when someone else is going through my notes and treatment logs.

I call my mom everyday on my way home from work. She was busy making dinner when I was talking to her today. I had a lot of stuff to talk/vent about and I was literally yelling into the bluetooth in my car so she could hear me over the water running in her kitchen while she washed potatoes. I got tired of yelling and got off the phone. I called my brother and he didn't answer. I wanted to bitch to someone about my job. I wanted someone to listen and understand. I had no one left to call. As I turned into my neighborhood I realized I really wanted my husband to be at home so I could unload it all on him. He would have to listen. It's his husbandly duty. He may not understand what I do, but that's part of marriage: listening to each other bitch about anything and everything. He's not here tho. I didn't talk to him today either. I miss him. I miss having someone to talk to when I get home from work.

99% of the time I am fine, but, y'all, today I ugly cried. I was doubled over in my bedroom feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I'm only admitting this on my little corner of the interwebs. I'm too proud to call someone. Honestly, I don't know if I even want to admit it out loud. I don't want the people (that I already depend on too much) to feel sorry for me.

I can't even drown my sorrows in TV tonight since none of my shows are on. I am pitiful.

Two weeks from tomorrow I'll be in NYC with my brother (hopefully) having a fabulous time and forgetting all about this sad little pity party I've got going on in OK. How many days til summer?

Musings

I think that names should pass the spell check test. Don't name your baby something that gets that squiggly red line under it when typed. I wrote an email at work one day with half a dozen students' names in it. They ALL got flagged by spell check. There is something wrong with that!

I'm way too hard on myself. I might have to bust out a dry erase marker and write positive messages on my mirror like I did in high school. (Truth: in high school it was more about song lyrics or who I was in "love" with than boosting my self esteem.) So what if I weigh ### pounds? So what if I come straight home from work and sit on the couch until I relocate to go to bed? So what if I have less friends than I have fingers on one hand?

I feel guilty that I have totally fallen off the exercise bandwagon. I should probably accept the fact that I won't work out in the winter. The early sunsets and the cold temperatures make me want to hibernate, not work out.

Since I'm all alone now, I cook one meal on the weekend and eat the leftovers all week. Remember when I would cook like every night? Yeah, me either.

My Christmas tree is still up. Don't judge. At least the ornaments are put away!

I'm reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer.  Yes, she wrote the Twilight books. I put off reading this book for years. It's about aliens which are totally weirder than vampires and werewolves! I saw the trailer for the movie over Christmas break and was intrigued. I found the paint-stained (really curious how that happened...) copy at the library and got sucked right in. I'm more than half-way through the monster (600+ pages!) at the moment. Can't wait to see how it ends.

I talked myself out of getting frozen yogurt after work today. Such self-control!

I didn't talk to Brian today. He's officially been gone for a month. I miss him. And I miss being able to talk to him for hours. Damn work.

Favorite new TV show: Shameless.

I don't like it when neighborhood kids are doing fundraisers. No, I do not want candy or jewelry. Thanks, but not thanks. And please stop ringing my doorbell.

I need to drive Brian's truck to work one of these days to sort of stretch its legs, but I keep having nightmares that it'll break down or something and I'll be stranded. Plus, it's parked outside so it's super freezing in the morning. So many negatives and I'm a master procrastinator.

Latest perk of deployment: watching super girly television in Brian's man cave.

I forgot how nice tax-free paychecks are until yesterday's arrived in our bank account.

My parents are visiting this weekend. I can't wait!

Perks of Deployment

I can listen to One Direction (no judging!) rather loudly while cleaning and organizing the office.

I can eat cereal for dinner.

I can sleep diagonally in the bed (how I woke up this morning).

I can watch chick flicks (The Last Song) on a Saturday afternoon.

I can yell at football games on TV (A&M vs. OU last night) without disturbing anyone.

I know there will still be Oreos in the pantry when I get home from work.

I can stretch and do squats in the middle of the living room without judgment.

I can read in bed before going to sleep.

I don't have to see the in-laws every time I go home.

Of course, I would give up every one of these things to have Brian here with me.

One more day of vacation and then back to work. Already counting down to my next long weekend!

12

This fell out of Scarlett's cat food when I was filling up her bowl today:

I had no idea Brian did this before he left. I was home a whole four days before coming to Abilene for Christmas and didn't find any. I'm assuming that he numbered them meaning there are at least 11 more to be found.

I love that he did this for me.

Thanks, babe.

Christmas 2012

It's been a whirlwind since I got into town on Friday!

As soon as I unloaded the car at my parents' house I ran downtown to visit my Mom and her friends at work. Then it was off to the airport to collect my brother (and avoid the weirdo from high school who was on his flight).

On Saturday my brother and I finally saw the last Twilight movie. We both agreed it was the best one by far. I won't be so ashamed when I add it to my collection. Ha!

On Sunday my brother and I were up and out early to beat the crowds at Target. Our family does "picks" every year (every person has a secret person to buy for at a particular store with a spending limit) and we both had to get our shopping done at Target. I also got a few things for work (I mean, can anyone go into Target and only get what they went in for?) We stopped by the mall after that, but nothing was open yet so we just came home.

Sunday also happened to be Christmas Eve Eve which means we were at Dairy Queen for dinner! We ate bad food and definitely had dessert. Then we drove through Christmas Lane and eventually came home.

Monday (yesterday) was Christmas Eve. We started and ended the day with a walk. In the morning for exercise, at night to look at lights. We ate a traditional late lunch at Red Lobster. We watched The Descendants as a family (thumbs up all around!).

Today has been bittersweet. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with my family, but something - someone - is missing. We were all up by 8:30 and ate a delicious breakfast (french toast and bacon) prepared by my dad. Then we exchanged our "pick" gifts. We all got some great things! Finally we tackled the pile of presents under the tree.

My haul: Phillip Phillips' CD, a Lego set, a Vera Bradley tote, a workout jacket, a "I heart NY" t-shirt, some Hawaiian chocolate, some dark chocolate, more pieces for my nativity (from the in-laws), a western snowman decoration, an Old Navy giftcard, a couple children's books, a stuffed animal, some lottery tickets (all losers), Deadwood: Season 1, and a Jeopardy page-a-day calendar.

Mom just put dinner (baked ziti and garlic bread followed by homemade apple pie) in the oven and we should be eating by 5:30. My brother and I tried to go see Les Mis this afternoon, but every show was sold out until tonight. We didn't want to spend his last night in town at the movies, so we'll both have to see it another time. Bummer! I already put my Lego house together and just finished listening to PP's CD (sounded good!).

I have talked to Brian almost everyday since he left. He is finally in his permanent room and met his roommate. Internet is set up and he can talk to me using his own computer. His room even came with a TV and cable. There were cheese and butter sculptures in the DFAC and he had a good meal. He's doing ok, as am I. We're hanging in there. It's still completely unfair that we have yet to spend two consecutive Christmases together, but that's the Army for ya.

My in-laws are (apparently) celebrating Christmas at my SIL's house. I was not invited. She posted about it on FB. That's how I found out about it. My feelings were hurt. I got sad and down on myself and my mom had to talk me out of it. I just don't understand.

My brother leaves tomorrow. I'll be really sad to see him go. He's my built-in best friend. He's the best shopping partner, too.

Christmas 2012 has come and gone. I can't believe we're already at the end of the year. Where did the time go?

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and were able to enjoy time with loved ones!

Sunday

Today I:

• woke up with a sore throat.
• changed the cat's litter box and refilled her water.
• did the dishes and ran the dishwasher (it was waaaay overdue).
• returned library books.
• watched New Year's Eve.
• did a load of laundry.
• got stuff ready for work tomorrow (gift together for my supervisor and bingo game printed for my kiddos).
• walked a couple miles while talking to my best friend on the phone.
• returned a Redbox movie.
• opted out of make up and wore glasses all day.
• finished reading Shadow & Bone (good book).
• said goodbye to Brian.

Licenses and Ceremonies

I am officially a licensed Speech-Language Pathology Assistant in the state of Oklahoma! I got my card in the mail on Tuesday. Now I need to get my SLPA Teaching Certificate (paperwork and fingerprints already submitted) and I can FINALLY get hired. I am more than ready to be getting paid more than the peanuts and pebbles they're paying me now.

It's amazing to me that I am thisclose to Christmas break. Am I really halfway through the school year? Have I really been working with a 50 student caseload full time for 3.5 months? That's totally crazy to me.

I took this morning off from work to go get fingerprinted for my teacher certification and to attend Brian's deployment ceremony. Combined, those two commitments officially took 15 minutes. That's not counting the time I spent commuting, walking, sitting, or waiting. Five minutes to get fingerprinted and a swift ten minute ceremony. It wasn't quite as impressive as the deployment ceremony I went to in LA, but I'm glad I went.

It's real, ladies and gents. No matter how much I wish to remain in denial, the fact of the matter is that I will be saying goodbye to Brian soon. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm holding it together very well. I've been exhausted and can't seem to cook a real dinner to save my life. I also haven't done anything that resembles exercising in at least a week. I'm curious to see what kind of routine I fall into after the holidays.

So that's the update: I am licensed and another deployment ceremony is in the books.

A River in Egypt

I'm totally in denial.

I can't seem to make myself face this deployment.

It is now about two weeks away and I just can't deal.

I kinda want to curl up in a ball in bed and feel sorry for myself.

I simultaneously want the next three weeks to fly by and to slow down.

In three weeks the deployment anticipation will be over and I can go home to my parents' house and curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself (while stuffing myself full of Christmas baked goods).

But in three weeks, Brian will be gone. Again.

At what point can I call foul and say that three deployments in six years is not fair?

And a nine month deployment may sound better (than a year) to civilians, but nine months will be the longest we have EVER gone without seeing each other. That makes me really nervous. Plus the timing sucks. No R&R and he'll get back right when school starts for me again next year. So no big vacation to look forward to. Again: not fair.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Letters

Dear J,

Why do you lie to me? Haven't we known each other long enough to cut the BS? Just tell me the truth. Own up to your mistakes. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep. Stop creating drama. Your life is dramatic enough. While you're at it, grow up. You are too old to be this dependent on other people. Learn how to manage your money. Figure out how to stand on your own two feet. It's time. I don't have many friends in this world, please stop making it so hard to maintain our friendship. Thanks.

Your friend,
S.


Dear B,

I'm not ready for this deployment. I've been coping by not thinking about it, but it's sneaking up on me whether I'd like it to or not. Another missed Christmas (this will be #4). I normally enjoy the unpredictability of this Army lifestyle, but it is so hard to thrive as a couple when we are apart. I just thought we'd have more time. I thought we've move to OK and get a chance to really settle in somewhere finally. I'm sad and I'm sorry if I mistakenly take that out on you. We can do this, right? I love you.

Love,
S.


Dear friend,

Just reach out and apologize. Please.

S.


Dear Cooper football,

Thanks for another fun season. I wish you had made it deeper into the playoffs, but there's always next year, right? What will I do on Friday nights now?

Love always,
A Faithful Alum


Dear Mom,

Thanks for making the best apple pie in the world. Will you make it again for Christmas?

Love,
Sling


Dear God,

Just get me to Christmas. Thanks.

Love,
Me

Round Three

October 26th marked the one year anniversary of Brian's homecoming from his second deployment. A lot has happened in those 12 months. We've moved a lot and I got a job (finally applying for licensure - hoping to be fully employed by Thanksgiving!). We've put countless miles on my car driving back and forth to our hometown. We are at a good place in our lives and in our marriage.

The Army is a cruel mistress, however. Deployment #3 is here, folks. Yes. Already. There is still a small chance it won't happen, but preparations are under way. We are planning on it happening. It's a weird deployment that will send Brian to various countries in the Middle East. He's not too excited about it. Did I mention there's a decent chance he'll be gone before Christmas? Or that by the time he gets back we will have literally spent half of our 6 year marriage apart?

I am not quitting my job or moving home. I will stay here and figure out how to do the working-married-single-girl-with-no-friends routine. Luckily my folks are 3 hours away.

Last week when this news was fresh, it would regularly take my breath away throughout the day. It hit hardest while driving to and from work. "It's not fair," I thought. "I don't want to do this again," I whined. I am better this week, though. Ironically Brian is in the field until next week so I'm already getting a trial run at living without him. So far so good.

I needed to wrap my brain around it before I wrote about it. Maybe something will happen and it won't proceed. Or maybe I'll put on my big-girl-Army-wife panties and deal with it like I dealt with the other two.

Here we go again...

Odds and Ends

Why are there magazines in the communcal bathroom at work? Are people really sitting in there reading them while doing their business??

It's disturbing how many of my male students are already little flirts. I have a couple that wear cologne to school to impress girls. They are 8. And adorable. And will be trouble in a few years!

I should be finished with my clinical hours required to get licensed in OK in about 7 more school days. That's right before Fall Break. Yeah, I get a 5-day weekend for Fall Break. I swear this is the greatest idea ever!

I got my flu shot this morning and it hurt. And it made me 15 minutes late to work.

I made one of my students cry today because I wouldn't let him play a certain game. I did however let them do the mindless activity of stringing beads. Obviously, I am the most evil speech therapist ever!

I want nothing more than to sleep in tomorrow, but I have a laundry list of errands to run beginning with hitting up the Commissary at 7AM. I'm holding out for a lazy Sunday.

Brian might be leaving for a month-long Army adventure in a week or so. Maybe. He also may be getting deployed. Possibly. You know how the Army is. At least they gave him a 4-day for Columbus Day (but not one for Fall Break when all children will be out of school...)!

Tonight is the Crosstown Showdown back home. I'll be listening to the radio feed over the internet. Brian will avoid me. I really hope it's not depressing. I did go home for the homecoming game last week. It will be my 10-year reunion homecoming game next year. Yikes. Surely it hasn't already been 10 years!

This little cold snap we're having has been pretty nice. I put the winter comforter on the bed yesterday and didn't want to get out from under it this morning! It also makes me want to be really lazy. I may or may not miss my old unemployed life today. Thankfully it's Friday and I have two days to recharge.

Happy weekend! :)

Looking Back: 2011

((This is an amazingly picture-heavy post. Just FYI. I took a lot of photos this year apparently...))

JANUARY

I got new boots for the new year...

I hung out with my favorite little man (and his mother!).

I went on a Diana Gabaldon bender for a few months, too.

FEBRUARY

It snowed....a lot!

We took a few long walks in the snow/ice over the 4 days we were snowed in.

I started observing at my old high school.

My parents and I flew to NYC to attend my great-grandmother's funeral.

The famous castle house (it's a family thing).

Playing Monopoly Junior with two of my cousins at my grandparents' house.

What do ya know - it snowed there, too!

I hung out with my brother (and the rest of my family) at three wakes.

The funeral home before the funeral (it was SO cold!).

Almost my whole extended family on my mom's side.

We were able to spend a day in Manhattan with Keith.

Obligatory subway station picture...

My favorite picture I have ever taken. Lady Liberty sure is pretty.

...and the plane ride back (we were the first row of coach).

We got back to TX to find my dad's truck had been broken into - fun fun! (not.)

MARCH

I continued to observe at my alma mater.

I said goodbye to my explorer (after 8 years) and fell in love with my new Fusion.

I hopped on another plane headed for NYC to see my beloved brother.

I ate the best pizza in the world.

I lounged on a pier on a 75 degree day.

Lincoln Center.

Battery Park.

Radio City.

I sent Brian a fun Easter care package.

I enjoyed a (very) windy zoo day with my bff and favorite little boy.

APRIL

Baseball came back!!

I discovered the local frozen yogurt shop - yummmm!

I took a quick trip to Austin (because my in-laws were in a serious motorcycle accident).

It was really hot and humid, but downtown Austin is pretty darn beautiful.

MAY

More baseball. :)

Brian was finally home for R&R!!

We went to the zoo.

We saw a dolphin show at the Texas State Aquarium.

And took a self-portrait overlooking the water.

We stayed in a fab condo on the beach.

And then I had to say goodbye. :(

JUNE

I washed/folded allll of Brian's clothes from R&R.

I perused the sports hall of fame downtown.

I bought super fun birthday presents for a certain 3-year-old I know.

The Dallas Mavericks became NBA Champs.

Mom and I sweated our butts off watching 7-on-7 football.

I took Dad to see Jeff Dunham as a birthday gift (hilarious!).

JULY

July was the month of our epic family vacation. First non-Texas state: Arkansas!

This was a really cool arch on a small country road marking the Arkansas/Missouri state line.

Street art in downtown Louisville.

The Louisville Slugger Museum!!

All the way to Pennsylvania, baby! (Almost finished driving.)

I went on a Wicked date with my brother (super awesome).

Coooouuussins!

We returned to the place of my (and my brother's) birth and where my parents met. We also devoured Michigans at Gus'. Yummm!

We hiked through Ausable Chasm.

We visited Rulf's Orchard.

We stood where one of our houses used to stand.

We drove up White Face Mountain.

And then hiked to the peak.

I had the best adult beverage ever!

This is a Michigan.

I cautiously put my feet in the cold lake water.

The view from our rental house.

Our last morning there.

We had to swing by the Basesball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY (on induction weekend)!

We took pictures outside of every hotel where we stayed.

We stayed at my mom's college roommate's house on the Potomac River. Gorgeous.

We toured the Jack Daniels Distillery (and purchased our fair share of whiskey).

Finally we made it home and I spotted the new football slogan for my old high school.

AUGUST

It rained! (It required dancing in it, obviously.)

I dog-sat for Happy...

Sparky...

and Lucky.

I received this pretty package for my birthday from Brian.

It rained some more (you know you're in a drought when every time it rains you take pictures and/or dance in it).

I turned 26.

On the last day of the month, I quickly drove to LA and signed the lease on our new place.

SEPTEMBER

High school football started!

Belated birthday flowers from Brian.

Mom made me.

A rainy football game with Mom.

This little darling wandered into my life...

...and stuck around.

I baked Mom a special cake for her birthday (she totally turned 29).

OCTOBER

My parents helped me empty our storage unit and move into our place in LA.

We ate at the local steakhouse.

We went to more football games.

We had one last BBQ meal before I headed back to LA to wait for Brian's return.

I attempted to put our humble abode together.

And finally: the welcome home ceremony!

He was finally home, in our place, and didn't have to be anywhere for 4 whole days!

NOVEMBER

Veteran's Day in our hometown.

Dallas trip with my in-laws (that's a jug of beer).

Medieval Times!

That's our knight. He didn't win. :(

We went to a big ICE exhibit (yes, that's ice).

Keith came home for Thanksgiving!!

We jog/walked a 5K on Thanksgiving morning.

Then we got dressed up for Thanksgiving lunch at the in-laws'.

DECEMBER

We got back to LA and I decorated for Christmas as best I could.

I love Christmas decorations!

I also LOVE this tinsel wreath I scored for half-off.

I attended Brian's official redeployment ceremony.

Brian's in there somewhere.

Afterward I babysat this little guy. We watched the Christmas parade together! 

I'm not sure what we are doing here...but we're back at home for Christmas!

Scarlett invaded my mom's snow village.

We ate Christmas Eve Eve dinner at Dairy Queen.

And we talked to Keith on Skype on Christmas morning.

I have high expectations for 2012 and can't wait to see where life takes me (and us)!