What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
1. I got engaged.
2. I got married.
3. I drove 11 hours by myself in two days.
4. I graduated from college.
Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions so I'm not disappointed when i don't keep them.
What countries did you visit?
Just the USA.
What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
1. A job that i enjoy.
2. A hobby.
3. A workout regimen.
What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1. January - Disney World with the fam.
2. March (Spring Break) - NYC with my love.
3. June 22 - Brian's bootcamp graduation.
4. August 23 or 24 - Brian proposed.
5. September 21 - Brian and I got married.
6. November 26 - the last time I saw Brian.
7. November 29 - the day Brian flew to Kuwait.
8. December 15 - college graduation.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
1. Surviving speech camp.
2. Getting married.
3. Graduating. With honors.
What was your biggest failure?
1. Continuing to let Dr. Hill get under my skin.
2. Graduating with less than a 4.0 - i'll get over it.
3. Procrastination.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I almost wrote "just the usual colds and allergies" but then I remembered the bout of eczema I've been battling on my chin for the last month. It is finally, and thankfully, unnoticible.
What was the best thing you bought?
I wish I could say an amazing pair of pumps or a brand new car, but I didn't really have any money to spend this year. I guess I could say the best thing I bought was gas to get me to and from my love.
Where did most of your money go?
Gas, for sure. Damn gas prices and my gas guzzling vehicle.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Brian at his bootcamp grad. I was so excited I was shaking.
What song(s) will always remind you of 2007?
"Lost in this Moment" by Big & Rich...although I bet I'll forget what year that some was popular in 5 years.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Sadder. This time last year I had my love everyday, every minute. Now, I am alone in my bed at my parents' house. Depressing!
ii. thinner or fatter?
Maybe a few pounds thinner. Nothing remarkable.
iii. richer or poorer?
Money wise: Richer and poorer. I have more money because I'm married to Brian who is getting like $3000 a month, but we're trying to save. I, personally, am poor because I am unemployed and living off Christmas money.
Life wise: Richer. I am married (unexpectedly) to the love of my life and I am surrounded by my loving family and hilarious dog.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Keeping in touch with friends and family.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing over school and grades...it really doesn't matter in the end.
Did you fall in love in 2007?
I came in to 2007 in love. I'm more in love now than when '07 started, though.
How many one-night stands?
Never ever.
What was your favorite TV program?
It's a 3-way tie between Friday Night Lights, House, and CSI.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I am thisclose to hating Dr. Hill, but I think that'll subside over time.
What was the best book you read?
In My Hands by Irene Gut Opdyke.
What were your greatest musical discoveries?
I haven't been as into music this year. I recently discovered the Cupid Shuffle which just makes my hips move involuntarily.
What did you want and get?
I had a boring year in the want/get department. I wanted to graduate and I got to walk the stage. I guess that'll do.
What was your favorite film of this year?
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium was pretty funny. I haven't seen a movie in the theater in awhile and I start losing track of what came out last year versus this year.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to the drive-in with Jamie and Brian. I turned 22.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Graduating with a different major or Brian not getting deployed so soon.
What kept you sane?
Brian and my family. And Tiny.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Derek Jeter - always!
Who did you miss?
Brian for alot of it. Extended family also.
Who was the best new person you met?
I guess Jamie's new bf. I actually like him and I'm glad she's happy.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Nothing matters as much to me as how much and how well I love my husband. In other words: Screw school.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I don't quite know how to say how I feel.
Those three words are said too much.
They're not enough.
--Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars"
Monday, December 31, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
:D
That Thing You Do.
I'm watching this movie right now and remembering why I love it so much.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
He Called!
Brian called at 12:30 while I was sitting in Burger King with Jenna. We got to talk for 30 minutes. I miss him alot, although the sting has dissipated. I can't wait until we can talk about anything and everything again. More later.
S.
S.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Nanny Cookies!!
For once, I came home from work and wasn't completely unproductive. Mom and I made cookies - Nanny cookies to be exact. We didn't stop there, either. We even made fudge which is setting in the fridge as we speak. We can cut it tomorrow. I seriously contemplated hiding the cookies at least so the boys don't pig out on them in our absence. They'd better last til Christmas at least!
I mailed Brian the second envelope of his deployment. Who knows when he'll get it.
The cold(ish) weather is wreaking havoc on my hands. They're constantly dry and hang nails are abundant. My nails are even breaking more easily. Maybe I need more calcium? More water? Who knows.
After Christmas, I'm going on a mad shopping spree. Maybe even out of town. It has been faaaaaar too long since I've had some good retail therapy. Thank you graduation for the extra cash.
I have 10 hours of work left at Roz's. About 55 more bucks. Bittersweet. More sweet.
S.
I mailed Brian the second envelope of his deployment. Who knows when he'll get it.
The cold(ish) weather is wreaking havoc on my hands. They're constantly dry and hang nails are abundant. My nails are even breaking more easily. Maybe I need more calcium? More water? Who knows.
After Christmas, I'm going on a mad shopping spree. Maybe even out of town. It has been faaaaaar too long since I've had some good retail therapy. Thank you graduation for the extra cash.
I have 10 hours of work left at Roz's. About 55 more bucks. Bittersweet. More sweet.
S.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Monday Monday.
Brian called this morning while I was at work. He's in some satellite camp so he can't get any mail until he gets back to the FOB which might not be for a month. He sounded pretty good. His call came through Dyess AFB so there was a longer-than-usual delay between when I'd say something and when he'd hear it. I've gotten more accustomed to him being gone, but not I feel like he's missing so much and I can't even really talk to him to tell him about it. There are so many things I'd love to tell him and talk to him about, but our conversations are no longer than 20 minutes and the communication is difficult with the delays. I really need to get in the habit of writing him. I think I'll do that now instead of writing on here.
Today was my last Monday at Roz's.
S.
Today was my last Monday at Roz's.
S.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Early AM.
It took two calls from shannon and one from my mother-in-law to wake me up so I could talk to Brian from 2-3 am. I thought something was wrong, I'm glad it wasn't.
rednek6205 (1:55:43 AM): wake up
Auto Response from saraheileen 26 (1:56:36 AM): goodnight.
rednek6205 (1:55:44 AM): wake up
saraheileen 26 (2:08:39 AM): hey
rednek6205 (2:07:49 AM): hello
saraheileen 26 (2:09:06 AM): what's up?
rednek6205 (2:08:40 AM): not alot just being bored
saraheileen 26 (2:10:09 AM): why are you bored?
rednek6205 (2:10:57 AM): today they dont have anything for us to do
saraheileen 26 (2:12:33 AM): oooh ok
rednek6205 (2:12:53 AM): yea so i spent 5 bucks to get an hour on the computer
saraheileen 26 (2:14:00 AM): you have to pay? that sucks
saraheileen 26 (2:14:39 AM): how long have you been on so far?
rednek6205 (2:14:19 AM): 10-15 minutes
saraheileen 26 (2:16:23 AM): oh ok, i'm glad i dont' have anything going on tomorrow
rednek6205 (2:16:39 AM): haha yea sry about trying to get everyone to wake you up
saraheileen 26 (2:17:41 AM): oh it's ok
saraheileen 26 (2:18:38 AM): i thought something was wrong when your mom called
saraheileen 26 (2:18:41 AM): since it's 2 am and all
rednek6205 (2:17:47 AM): yea i didnt think youd be too upset
saraheileen 26 (2:19:00 AM): nah, it's ok
saraheileen 26 (2:20:43 AM): so what have you been doing all morning?
rednek6205 (2:20:13 AM): listening to my ipod making sure my stuff is all put together
saraheileen 26 (2:21:37 AM): are you on your second rotation through your songs now?
rednek6205 (2:21:35 AM): haha yea if i listen to them when im half asleep it makes it better
saraheileen 26 (2:23:32 AM): i'm glad you've figured out a strategy
rednek6205 (2:22:43 AM): yea i know
saraheileen 26 (2:24:19 AM): i emailed you, did you get it?
rednek6205 (2:23:37 AM): i havent checked it yet really ill go do it now
saraheileen 26 (2:25:01 AM): oh ok
saraheileen 26 (2:25:11 AM): how's the internet connection? not too slow?
rednek6205 (2:24:31 AM): when you use their computers its pretty quick
rednek6205 (2:24:47 AM): but if you use your own its like 10 min to load a page
saraheileen 26 (2:25:58 AM): maybe it's worth the money then
rednek6205 (2:26:48 AM): i think it is
saraheileen 26 (2:28:12 AM): so i bet it's warmer where you are right now
rednek6205 (2:27:50 AM): it was actually pretty cold last night
rednek6205 (2:28:03 AM): its not bad now kinda that nice but kinda chilly
saraheileen 26 (2:29:16 AM): it's freezing here
saraheileen 26 (2:29:19 AM): complete with fozen precip.
saraheileen 26 (2:29:22 AM): frozen*
saraheileen 26 (2:29:32 AM): sal ran off the road on his way home earlier
saraheileen 26 (2:29:41 AM): like 6 hours ago
rednek6205 (2:28:47 AM): oo thats not good
saraheileen 26 (2:29:56 AM): yeah in his dad's big blue truck
saraheileen 26 (2:30:06 AM): i'm not sure how bad it was or anything
rednek6205 (2:29:28 AM): idk his dad is probably gonna be pretty pissed
saraheileen 26 (2:30:33 AM): probably
saraheileen 26 (2:30:39 AM): i'm sure i'll find out more tomorrow
rednek6205 (2:29:53 AM): haha yea
saraheileen 26 (2:31:25 AM): so what happens when your time runs out? does it just kick you off?
rednek6205 (2:30:45 AM): yea prety much
saraheileen 26 (2:32:01 AM): not even a courtesy warning? that sucks
rednek6205 (2:31:28 AM): yea kinda haha
rednek6205 (2:31:37 AM): i checked post secret the other day
saraheileen 26 (2:32:44 AM): i wondered if you would
saraheileen 26 (2:32:51 AM): i thought of you when i checked it
rednek6205 (2:33:27 AM): ok i finally got your email
rednek6205 (2:33:30 AM): haha
saraheileen 26 (2:34:47 AM): that took a while minute
rednek6205 (2:34:12 AM): yea it idid
rednek6205 (2:34:16 AM): that page was slow
saraheileen 26 (2:35:31 AM): hmm maybe it's a popular page
rednek6205 (2:36:10 AM): or these computers are old
rednek6205 (2:36:18 AM): the aim on here is the old school aim
rednek6205 (2:36:22 AM): like the origianl
saraheileen 26 (2:37:46 AM): maybe no one wants to waste their time updating it so it's just stayed
saraheileen 26 (2:38:49 AM): time's going fast
rednek6205 (2:38:15 AM): yea i guess haha
saraheileen 26 (2:41:09 AM): i'm sorry i don't have much to say
saraheileen 26 (2:41:15 AM): i always think of things after you're gone
saraheileen 26 (2:41:18 AM): kinda sucks
rednek6205 (2:40:36 AM): yea i know what you mean
rednek6205 (2:40:57 AM): hey my midtour leave is gonna be a lot later than what i told you
saraheileen 26 (2:42:05 AM): i figured
saraheileen 26 (2:42:12 AM): do you know a ballpark time yet?
rednek6205 (2:41:25 AM): cause my leave days are in the negative and they have to build back up before they ll let me go
saraheileen 26 (2:42:35 AM): how long does that take?
rednek6205 (2:41:58 AM): well im at -6 and i get 2.5 days a month
rednek6205 (2:42:07 AM): so about 3 months to get out of the hole
rednek6205 (2:42:33 AM): so im gonna have a better chance at being home for your bday than mine
saraheileen 26 (2:43:35 AM): then 6 months after that?
saraheileen 26 (2:43:53 AM): ok at least that's more in the middle
rednek6205 (2:43:07 AM): yea
saraheileen 26 (2:44:20 AM): that seems so far away
rednek6205 (2:43:52 AM): yea i know
rednek6205 (2:44:09 AM): but hey its that much closer to me being home for a good while
saraheileen 26 (2:45:24 AM): yeah i know
saraheileen 26 (2:45:29 AM): maybe by then i'll have gotten the hang of this
rednek6205 (2:44:38 AM): haha i hope so
saraheileen 26 (2:45:49 AM): mee too!
rednek6205 (2:45:15 AM): haha
saraheileen 26 (2:46:49 AM): it seems like you've been gone forever
saraheileen 26 (2:46:52 AM): and it's only been like 10 days
rednek6205 (2:46:02 AM): yea i know babe
rednek6205 (2:46:10 AM): itll pick up after a while im sure though
saraheileen 26 (2:47:16 AM): are you getting used to things over there?
rednek6205 (2:46:32 AM): yea kinda
saraheileen 26 (2:49:55 AM): so what are we not allowed to discuss? jw, so i know what's off limits
rednek6205 (2:50:10 AM): you can ask w/e you want and i know what i cant anser
saraheileen 26 (2:51:29 AM): grr i hate the "can't answer that" answer
rednek6205 (2:50:54 AM): pretty much times, locations, and missions
saraheileen 26 (2:52:34 AM): can you tell me when i wont' hear from you for awhile or is that under one of those topics?
rednek6205 (2:52:03 AM): i cant just flat out tell you somthings going on and i cant talk to you for a while
rednek6205 (2:52:35 AM): but i can tell you sothing like im gonna be busy and idk if im gonna be able to talk
rednek6205 (2:52:39 AM): i only have 3 minutes left
saraheileen 26 (2:53:46 AM): suck!
saraheileen 26 (2:54:15 AM): well ok...
rednek6205 (2:53:51 AM): i love you babe and im gonna be busy so it may be a while before i talk to you
saraheileen 26 (2:55:00 AM): i know
rednek6205 (2:53:59 AM): i love you alot babe and i miss you everyday
saraheileen 26 (2:55:11 AM): i love you sooo much and i'm always thinking about you
saraheileen 26 (2:55:25 AM): and i miss you like crazy
rednek6205 (2:54:26 AM): bye baby
saraheileen 26 (2:55:40 AM): bye sweetie, have a good day and call when you can
rednek6205 (1:55:43 AM): wake up
Auto Response from saraheileen 26 (1:56:36 AM): goodnight.
rednek6205 (1:55:44 AM): wake up
saraheileen 26 (2:08:39 AM): hey
rednek6205 (2:07:49 AM): hello
saraheileen 26 (2:09:06 AM): what's up?
rednek6205 (2:08:40 AM): not alot just being bored
saraheileen 26 (2:10:09 AM): why are you bored?
rednek6205 (2:10:57 AM): today they dont have anything for us to do
saraheileen 26 (2:12:33 AM): oooh ok
rednek6205 (2:12:53 AM): yea so i spent 5 bucks to get an hour on the computer
saraheileen 26 (2:14:00 AM): you have to pay? that sucks
saraheileen 26 (2:14:39 AM): how long have you been on so far?
rednek6205 (2:14:19 AM): 10-15 minutes
saraheileen 26 (2:16:23 AM): oh ok, i'm glad i dont' have anything going on tomorrow
rednek6205 (2:16:39 AM): haha yea sry about trying to get everyone to wake you up
saraheileen 26 (2:17:41 AM): oh it's ok
saraheileen 26 (2:18:38 AM): i thought something was wrong when your mom called
saraheileen 26 (2:18:41 AM): since it's 2 am and all
rednek6205 (2:17:47 AM): yea i didnt think youd be too upset
saraheileen 26 (2:19:00 AM): nah, it's ok
saraheileen 26 (2:20:43 AM): so what have you been doing all morning?
rednek6205 (2:20:13 AM): listening to my ipod making sure my stuff is all put together
saraheileen 26 (2:21:37 AM): are you on your second rotation through your songs now?
rednek6205 (2:21:35 AM): haha yea if i listen to them when im half asleep it makes it better
saraheileen 26 (2:23:32 AM): i'm glad you've figured out a strategy
rednek6205 (2:22:43 AM): yea i know
saraheileen 26 (2:24:19 AM): i emailed you, did you get it?
rednek6205 (2:23:37 AM): i havent checked it yet really ill go do it now
saraheileen 26 (2:25:01 AM): oh ok
saraheileen 26 (2:25:11 AM): how's the internet connection? not too slow?
rednek6205 (2:24:31 AM): when you use their computers its pretty quick
rednek6205 (2:24:47 AM): but if you use your own its like 10 min to load a page
saraheileen 26 (2:25:58 AM): maybe it's worth the money then
rednek6205 (2:26:48 AM): i think it is
saraheileen 26 (2:28:12 AM): so i bet it's warmer where you are right now
rednek6205 (2:27:50 AM): it was actually pretty cold last night
rednek6205 (2:28:03 AM): its not bad now kinda that nice but kinda chilly
saraheileen 26 (2:29:16 AM): it's freezing here
saraheileen 26 (2:29:19 AM): complete with fozen precip.
saraheileen 26 (2:29:22 AM): frozen*
saraheileen 26 (2:29:32 AM): sal ran off the road on his way home earlier
saraheileen 26 (2:29:41 AM): like 6 hours ago
rednek6205 (2:28:47 AM): oo thats not good
saraheileen 26 (2:29:56 AM): yeah in his dad's big blue truck
saraheileen 26 (2:30:06 AM): i'm not sure how bad it was or anything
rednek6205 (2:29:28 AM): idk his dad is probably gonna be pretty pissed
saraheileen 26 (2:30:33 AM): probably
saraheileen 26 (2:30:39 AM): i'm sure i'll find out more tomorrow
rednek6205 (2:29:53 AM): haha yea
saraheileen 26 (2:31:25 AM): so what happens when your time runs out? does it just kick you off?
rednek6205 (2:30:45 AM): yea prety much
saraheileen 26 (2:32:01 AM): not even a courtesy warning? that sucks
rednek6205 (2:31:28 AM): yea kinda haha
rednek6205 (2:31:37 AM): i checked post secret the other day
saraheileen 26 (2:32:44 AM): i wondered if you would
saraheileen 26 (2:32:51 AM): i thought of you when i checked it
rednek6205 (2:33:27 AM): ok i finally got your email
rednek6205 (2:33:30 AM): haha
saraheileen 26 (2:34:47 AM): that took a while minute
rednek6205 (2:34:12 AM): yea it idid
rednek6205 (2:34:16 AM): that page was slow
saraheileen 26 (2:35:31 AM): hmm maybe it's a popular page
rednek6205 (2:36:10 AM): or these computers are old
rednek6205 (2:36:18 AM): the aim on here is the old school aim
rednek6205 (2:36:22 AM): like the origianl
saraheileen 26 (2:37:46 AM): maybe no one wants to waste their time updating it so it's just stayed
saraheileen 26 (2:38:49 AM): time's going fast
rednek6205 (2:38:15 AM): yea i guess haha
saraheileen 26 (2:41:09 AM): i'm sorry i don't have much to say
saraheileen 26 (2:41:15 AM): i always think of things after you're gone
saraheileen 26 (2:41:18 AM): kinda sucks
rednek6205 (2:40:36 AM): yea i know what you mean
rednek6205 (2:40:57 AM): hey my midtour leave is gonna be a lot later than what i told you
saraheileen 26 (2:42:05 AM): i figured
saraheileen 26 (2:42:12 AM): do you know a ballpark time yet?
rednek6205 (2:41:25 AM): cause my leave days are in the negative and they have to build back up before they ll let me go
saraheileen 26 (2:42:35 AM): how long does that take?
rednek6205 (2:41:58 AM): well im at -6 and i get 2.5 days a month
rednek6205 (2:42:07 AM): so about 3 months to get out of the hole
rednek6205 (2:42:33 AM): so im gonna have a better chance at being home for your bday than mine
saraheileen 26 (2:43:35 AM): then 6 months after that?
saraheileen 26 (2:43:53 AM): ok at least that's more in the middle
rednek6205 (2:43:07 AM): yea
saraheileen 26 (2:44:20 AM): that seems so far away
rednek6205 (2:43:52 AM): yea i know
rednek6205 (2:44:09 AM): but hey its that much closer to me being home for a good while
saraheileen 26 (2:45:24 AM): yeah i know
saraheileen 26 (2:45:29 AM): maybe by then i'll have gotten the hang of this
rednek6205 (2:44:38 AM): haha i hope so
saraheileen 26 (2:45:49 AM): mee too!
rednek6205 (2:45:15 AM): haha
saraheileen 26 (2:46:49 AM): it seems like you've been gone forever
saraheileen 26 (2:46:52 AM): and it's only been like 10 days
rednek6205 (2:46:02 AM): yea i know babe
rednek6205 (2:46:10 AM): itll pick up after a while im sure though
saraheileen 26 (2:47:16 AM): are you getting used to things over there?
rednek6205 (2:46:32 AM): yea kinda
saraheileen 26 (2:49:55 AM): so what are we not allowed to discuss? jw, so i know what's off limits
rednek6205 (2:50:10 AM): you can ask w/e you want and i know what i cant anser
saraheileen 26 (2:51:29 AM): grr i hate the "can't answer that" answer
rednek6205 (2:50:54 AM): pretty much times, locations, and missions
saraheileen 26 (2:52:34 AM): can you tell me when i wont' hear from you for awhile or is that under one of those topics?
rednek6205 (2:52:03 AM): i cant just flat out tell you somthings going on and i cant talk to you for a while
rednek6205 (2:52:35 AM): but i can tell you sothing like im gonna be busy and idk if im gonna be able to talk
rednek6205 (2:52:39 AM): i only have 3 minutes left
saraheileen 26 (2:53:46 AM): suck!
saraheileen 26 (2:54:15 AM): well ok...
rednek6205 (2:53:51 AM): i love you babe and im gonna be busy so it may be a while before i talk to you
saraheileen 26 (2:55:00 AM): i know
rednek6205 (2:53:59 AM): i love you alot babe and i miss you everyday
saraheileen 26 (2:55:11 AM): i love you sooo much and i'm always thinking about you
saraheileen 26 (2:55:25 AM): and i miss you like crazy
rednek6205 (2:54:26 AM): bye baby
saraheileen 26 (2:55:40 AM): bye sweetie, have a good day and call when you can
Sunday, December 9, 2007
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
I got another phone call today. That's two calls in 25 hours. I think it's a record. I'm 99% sure that I won't be getting another one for quite some time, tho. We aren't allowed to discuss anything - and I mean anything - but we know each other better than that...I can tell when something is up. I'm pretty sure they're leaving Kuwait and heading to Iraq in the next couple days. This means that everything gets shaken up again. On the up side - I should get a good address soon so I can start sending him letters at least. One day at a time.
So far I have been completely unproductive. Tomorrow (today) I need to buckle down and get some serious paper writing and studying done. I have all day Monday too, but I want to have all my papers completely finished by then so I can study for my Holocaust final and get ready for my other two finals. I can't believe graduation is so close. Wow.
I finished watching The Notebook before this and I think it might be a good idea if I boycott the romantic movies for awhile. I miss Brian even more now. I miss having a conversation without speaking. It's amazing how much is taken for granted.
We put up a bunch of the Christmas decorations today. It wore me out! The ornaments still need to be put on the tree and the snow village still needs to be put out, but it'll probably be finished by nightfall. I love Christmas time. I mean, it's not quite as cheery this year for me, but I still love it. If only I could get my shopping done. Ugh. I think it's gonna be waiting til either after finals or after graduation. We'll see.
Ok, I wanted to be asleep by now, but, well, I'm not. So, goodnight.
S.
Pet Peeve of the Day:
When news stations that we rely on for breaking news and weather misspell common words such as "coming" (comming). A college degree is not required to be able to spell check.
So far I have been completely unproductive. Tomorrow (today) I need to buckle down and get some serious paper writing and studying done. I have all day Monday too, but I want to have all my papers completely finished by then so I can study for my Holocaust final and get ready for my other two finals. I can't believe graduation is so close. Wow.
I finished watching The Notebook before this and I think it might be a good idea if I boycott the romantic movies for awhile. I miss Brian even more now. I miss having a conversation without speaking. It's amazing how much is taken for granted.
We put up a bunch of the Christmas decorations today. It wore me out! The ornaments still need to be put on the tree and the snow village still needs to be put out, but it'll probably be finished by nightfall. I love Christmas time. I mean, it's not quite as cheery this year for me, but I still love it. If only I could get my shopping done. Ugh. I think it's gonna be waiting til either after finals or after graduation. We'll see.
Ok, I wanted to be asleep by now, but, well, I'm not. So, goodnight.
S.
Pet Peeve of the Day:
When news stations that we rely on for breaking news and weather misspell common words such as "coming" (comming). A college degree is not required to be able to spell check.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Not Funny.
I'm feeling a little blah right now.
Yesterday wasn't a good day. It started ok...Brian called at 5:15 AM. I about had a heart attack when my phone - rather loudly - started going off next to my head. I got to talk to him for 17 minutes and now I hardly remember any of what we talked about. It's amazing how fast time slips by when you don't want it to. Then I had Neuro. at 11. I had to give a presentation over half a chapter. It went off without a hitch. Then I sat through research & data til 2:15. Finally, our clinicals meeting...Kimbra and I got stickers because we completed our observation hours. We went through our SOAP notes and discussed checking out our hours. Then she dropped the bomb shell. I won't go into details cause, frankly, I'm tired of it, but she informed us that she did indeed expect us to do a case study before next week. And it is basically our faults that we didn't do it on our own or ask her about it. The sad thing is that I'm not surprised at all. Such a typical Chill thing to do. I was so sure I was on the home stretch, that things were finally calming down, then WHAM! After that little surprise, I basically broke down for a couple hours. I think I'm more emotionally fragile than I thought. One stupid Chill antic sent me into a tailspin. I bawled like a baby and then did nothing productive until I went to sleep.
I let myself sleep in until 10 today. No crying today, but no phone call either. Such a roller coaster existence. It's only been a week. A week ago Brian was on a plane to Maine. Now he can't even tell me where he is. I keep telling myself that it'll get easier. Maybe next week...
I have such a long to-do list, it's getting a little ridiculous.
I remember when my blogs were funny. They're not funny anymore.
S.
Yesterday wasn't a good day. It started ok...Brian called at 5:15 AM. I about had a heart attack when my phone - rather loudly - started going off next to my head. I got to talk to him for 17 minutes and now I hardly remember any of what we talked about. It's amazing how fast time slips by when you don't want it to. Then I had Neuro. at 11. I had to give a presentation over half a chapter. It went off without a hitch. Then I sat through research & data til 2:15. Finally, our clinicals meeting...Kimbra and I got stickers because we completed our observation hours. We went through our SOAP notes and discussed checking out our hours. Then she dropped the bomb shell. I won't go into details cause, frankly, I'm tired of it, but she informed us that she did indeed expect us to do a case study before next week. And it is basically our faults that we didn't do it on our own or ask her about it. The sad thing is that I'm not surprised at all. Such a typical Chill thing to do. I was so sure I was on the home stretch, that things were finally calming down, then WHAM! After that little surprise, I basically broke down for a couple hours. I think I'm more emotionally fragile than I thought. One stupid Chill antic sent me into a tailspin. I bawled like a baby and then did nothing productive until I went to sleep.
I let myself sleep in until 10 today. No crying today, but no phone call either. Such a roller coaster existence. It's only been a week. A week ago Brian was on a plane to Maine. Now he can't even tell me where he is. I keep telling myself that it'll get easier. Maybe next week...
I have such a long to-do list, it's getting a little ridiculous.
I remember when my blogs were funny. They're not funny anymore.
S.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Sunday Recap.
Just a quick update:
Brian called on Sunday at 12:30 PM my time which is 9:30 PM his time. We talked for 11 minutes and 47 seconds. He sounded ok, but tired and homesick. I wish I could say I was strong and didn't cry, but as soon as "I miss you" left my lips, the tears came hard. I know he knew, but I also know he knows I'm ok.
I moved back into my parents' house yesterday which has been internet-less for a few days. I fixed it. I'm a genius. The end.
S.
Brian called on Sunday at 12:30 PM my time which is 9:30 PM his time. We talked for 11 minutes and 47 seconds. He sounded ok, but tired and homesick. I wish I could say I was strong and didn't cry, but as soon as "I miss you" left my lips, the tears came hard. I know he knew, but I also know he knows I'm ok.
I moved back into my parents' house yesterday which has been internet-less for a few days. I fixed it. I'm a genius. The end.
S.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Contact.
My first contact from brian since he left the US:
rednek6205 (7:17:32 AM): hey babe
rednek6205 (7:17:39 AM): i know youre asleep
rednek6205 (7:17:48 AM): cause its 1630 here
rednek6205 (7:17:55 AM): i just want you to know i love you babe
rednek6205 (7:18:24 AM): bye babe
And I was asleep. actually I was probably half awake and since I'm a nazi about having my sound off on my computer, I didn't even have the option of waking up for it. Suckity suck! And to make it even worse...after I finally did wake up close to 9, his screenname got on and off AIM twice. The first time I IMed it and no response, the second time I just came back from away knowing that if he was there, he'd IM me. Nothing. Just toying with my emotions. Maybe I'll hear something tomorrow...
S.
rednek6205 (7:17:32 AM): hey babe
rednek6205 (7:17:39 AM): i know youre asleep
rednek6205 (7:17:48 AM): cause its 1630 here
rednek6205 (7:17:55 AM): i just want you to know i love you babe
rednek6205 (7:18:24 AM): bye babe
And I was asleep. actually I was probably half awake and since I'm a nazi about having my sound off on my computer, I didn't even have the option of waking up for it. Suckity suck! And to make it even worse...after I finally did wake up close to 9, his screenname got on and off AIM twice. The first time I IMed it and no response, the second time I just came back from away knowing that if he was there, he'd IM me. Nothing. Just toying with my emotions. Maybe I'll hear something tomorrow...
S.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Take Off.
I knew this was going to be hard. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to him much, but I guess I was expecting too much. His plane is supposed to take off for Kuwait in 21 minutes and I haven't talked to him since 2:45 - before they even left Fort Polk for Alexandria. I thought for sure we could talk until they took off, but as the clock winds down to 20:00 (8:00), I am losing hope. I guess this is where it all really begins. I'm not looking forward to the next year+, but I want it over ASAP.
It's hard to think about anything else but this, but there are other things going on in my life.
Make It & Take It is officially over. Kimbra and I "presented" our stuff to the Methods class this morning and, thankfully, Dr. Hill missed all but 2 minutes of it. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that and making some things that I may use again. Oh, and my felt board which isn't even a board was a big hit. I decided before I even made it that I wanted something more portable than a piece of wood covered in felt. I also wanted something more versatile. I remembered in speech camp how the felt bears would easily fall off Jackie's felt board and I began to wonder if felt would stick better to something like flannal. All of these thoughts led to my final creation which was a sheet of black felt glued to a sheet of white fleece and then pink ribbon glued around the edges to finish it off. It was pretty dang amazing if I do say so myself, but I was always nervous that Chill would find some fault with it simply because it was mine and it was innovative. To my utter shock and amazement, she loved it and has been praising it to anyone who may listen or benefit from it. I really wouldn't be surprised if every felt board that came out of HSU from now on resembles mine. As long as she gives me credit...
I only have 6 more hours of observing to do in the next 6 business days. I could probably stretch it to 7 if I'm desperate, but I should be able to bust it out tomorrow and next Tuesday. I'll be up at the rehab center at Hendrick all day tomorrow: Out-Patient in the AM and In-Patient in the PM. I called Helen today (In-Patient contact person) and she seemed kind of odd...I'll let you know.
I graduate in 15 days...less since my ceremony is at 10 AM. How weird. It sucks that Brian won't be there. It also sucks that none of my extended family will be there either. I thought for sure my grandparents would make it, but it seems it's getting to that point where if we want to see them, we must go there. Bummer.
13 minutes to take off.
I'm glad I finally really, truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I still have work to do, papers to write, books to read, but I don't really care any more. I just want to get there...somehow, someway.
11 minutes.
I'm worried after I graduate and quit my job that all human peer contact I have will cease. I'm nervous I really won't have any friends. I'm a sucky friend alot of the time, but I know I'm going to need plans sometimes, just so I can have a reason to get dressed and something to look forward to. I really hope I'm strong enough because everything seems really overwhelming sometimes.
9 minutes.
My life has become to different. I am still figuring out what being married is. I like it, I love Brian, but my life often revolves around dating and guys and now my love is a world away and I'm alone. I'm not saying I want to look elsewhere...but I'm just not sure how my social world will be structured. I will soon be out of school for the first time since I was 5. I'm ready for a break, but what will I do without homework, expectations, and learning? I hope I am motivated enough to keep learning even when it is not mandatory. I am going to move back in with my parents. I haven't even stayed with them longer than a couple months after a bad breakup in over 3 years. I hope I can have patience and compassion for everyone so that we all get along. I have to pack up my house. The thought alone gives me a headache. (6 minutes) I don't even know where to begin, or even how to move. I have never moved a house before. When I moved in, I hardly had anything so it wasn't really like moving. I had some furniture but everything came in bits and pieces...I don't even really remember it. I have accumulated tons of stuff in the last few years and I probably need to throw alot of it away before it ends up in a box. One day at a time...
I got my invite to Molly's wedding on Jan. 12th. It was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Brian Ivy - our first joint invitation. Obviously he won't be able to attend so I guess I'm going alone. I hate that I haven't kept in touch with anyone and that I'm incredibly antisocial to the point that I'm not sure if I could survive a reception. I need to be there tho. I love her, and I'm happy for her. Plus, Molly and Leslie are my two favorite friends in my entire life. I remember our years together so fondly.
3 minutes.
I wish I had more time so I could get Christmas shopping done. I have more people to buy for due to the unexpected nuptuals so I'm stressing a little bit.
It's now 2 minutes to take off and I can't even focus to write anything else. I wonder how long the flight is. I wonder where he is, how he's feeling. I bet he's scared. And feeling shitty because we never spoke again.
1 minute.
I hope he knows I love him more than anything can describe. I hope he knows I'm thinking about him and that I'm proud of him. I hope he knows I miss him.
20:00...8:00 PM.
Be safe, my love. See you soon.
S.
It's hard to think about anything else but this, but there are other things going on in my life.
Make It & Take It is officially over. Kimbra and I "presented" our stuff to the Methods class this morning and, thankfully, Dr. Hill missed all but 2 minutes of it. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that and making some things that I may use again. Oh, and my felt board which isn't even a board was a big hit. I decided before I even made it that I wanted something more portable than a piece of wood covered in felt. I also wanted something more versatile. I remembered in speech camp how the felt bears would easily fall off Jackie's felt board and I began to wonder if felt would stick better to something like flannal. All of these thoughts led to my final creation which was a sheet of black felt glued to a sheet of white fleece and then pink ribbon glued around the edges to finish it off. It was pretty dang amazing if I do say so myself, but I was always nervous that Chill would find some fault with it simply because it was mine and it was innovative. To my utter shock and amazement, she loved it and has been praising it to anyone who may listen or benefit from it. I really wouldn't be surprised if every felt board that came out of HSU from now on resembles mine. As long as she gives me credit...
I only have 6 more hours of observing to do in the next 6 business days. I could probably stretch it to 7 if I'm desperate, but I should be able to bust it out tomorrow and next Tuesday. I'll be up at the rehab center at Hendrick all day tomorrow: Out-Patient in the AM and In-Patient in the PM. I called Helen today (In-Patient contact person) and she seemed kind of odd...I'll let you know.
I graduate in 15 days...less since my ceremony is at 10 AM. How weird. It sucks that Brian won't be there. It also sucks that none of my extended family will be there either. I thought for sure my grandparents would make it, but it seems it's getting to that point where if we want to see them, we must go there. Bummer.
13 minutes to take off.
I'm glad I finally really, truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I still have work to do, papers to write, books to read, but I don't really care any more. I just want to get there...somehow, someway.
11 minutes.
I'm worried after I graduate and quit my job that all human peer contact I have will cease. I'm nervous I really won't have any friends. I'm a sucky friend alot of the time, but I know I'm going to need plans sometimes, just so I can have a reason to get dressed and something to look forward to. I really hope I'm strong enough because everything seems really overwhelming sometimes.
9 minutes.
My life has become to different. I am still figuring out what being married is. I like it, I love Brian, but my life often revolves around dating and guys and now my love is a world away and I'm alone. I'm not saying I want to look elsewhere...but I'm just not sure how my social world will be structured. I will soon be out of school for the first time since I was 5. I'm ready for a break, but what will I do without homework, expectations, and learning? I hope I am motivated enough to keep learning even when it is not mandatory. I am going to move back in with my parents. I haven't even stayed with them longer than a couple months after a bad breakup in over 3 years. I hope I can have patience and compassion for everyone so that we all get along. I have to pack up my house. The thought alone gives me a headache. (6 minutes) I don't even know where to begin, or even how to move. I have never moved a house before. When I moved in, I hardly had anything so it wasn't really like moving. I had some furniture but everything came in bits and pieces...I don't even really remember it. I have accumulated tons of stuff in the last few years and I probably need to throw alot of it away before it ends up in a box. One day at a time...
I got my invite to Molly's wedding on Jan. 12th. It was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Brian Ivy - our first joint invitation. Obviously he won't be able to attend so I guess I'm going alone. I hate that I haven't kept in touch with anyone and that I'm incredibly antisocial to the point that I'm not sure if I could survive a reception. I need to be there tho. I love her, and I'm happy for her. Plus, Molly and Leslie are my two favorite friends in my entire life. I remember our years together so fondly.
3 minutes.
I wish I had more time so I could get Christmas shopping done. I have more people to buy for due to the unexpected nuptuals so I'm stressing a little bit.
It's now 2 minutes to take off and I can't even focus to write anything else. I wonder how long the flight is. I wonder where he is, how he's feeling. I bet he's scared. And feeling shitty because we never spoke again.
1 minute.
I hope he knows I love him more than anything can describe. I hope he knows I'm thinking about him and that I'm proud of him. I hope he knows I miss him.
20:00...8:00 PM.
Be safe, my love. See you soon.
S.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
The Hardest Goodbye
I find it hard to write when I'm not happy.
I've sat here a few times over the last few days wanting to get my words out, but nothing will come. That, or I couldn't bear making myself say what I needed to.
Brian is leaving tomorrow. For Iraq.
My eyes tear up just typing that.
I knew when I left Louisiana that I was too together for what was happening. I knew it would hit me, and I'm pretty sure it has. I'm ok actually, just....sad. Not devastated, because I'll see him soon, but just sad. I'm not sure how to wrap my brain around the fact that I won't talk to him regularly for over a year, that I definitely won't see him until the Army decides he can come home, and that he will be in pretty constant danger the entire time. My strategy so far has been to not think about it. It's been working alright...actually it'll probably be how I get through this thing. One day at a time, I suppose.
I just don't know what else to say.
Nothing will be the same until he is home.
S.
I've sat here a few times over the last few days wanting to get my words out, but nothing will come. That, or I couldn't bear making myself say what I needed to.
Brian is leaving tomorrow. For Iraq.
My eyes tear up just typing that.
I knew when I left Louisiana that I was too together for what was happening. I knew it would hit me, and I'm pretty sure it has. I'm ok actually, just....sad. Not devastated, because I'll see him soon, but just sad. I'm not sure how to wrap my brain around the fact that I won't talk to him regularly for over a year, that I definitely won't see him until the Army decides he can come home, and that he will be in pretty constant danger the entire time. My strategy so far has been to not think about it. It's been working alright...actually it'll probably be how I get through this thing. One day at a time, I suppose.
I just don't know what else to say.
Nothing will be the same until he is home.
S.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving break has finally arrived for me. Well, I still have to proofread and turn in (via email) the first draft of my 10+ page research paper. It's written though - that's all I care about right now. I've been working on it for two days - and that's only the writing part. I've also been reading like crazy so I'd have something to say. I turned in my Neuro. take-home test today. I still have things I need to do, even over T-giving, but in 24 hours I'll be in the same city as my husband. It will be bittersweet because it's the last time I'll see him before he ships overseas, but I'm ready to see him.
I need to pack. I've made a make-shift packing list but I'm thinking I've left things off. I'll probably put packing off until the morning. I never can pack very well the night before. I don't like packing half my stuff but not the stuff I'll need in the morning. It just throws me all off.
I do need to shower though. I should have last night or this morning, but, well, I'm a lazy bastard. Plus, I needed new razor blades from Wal-Mart which I just got like 30 minutes ago. I needed to make sure my hairy legs were less hairy for Brian!
I can't believe how fast Christmas is approaching. I have so many people to buy gifts for! I'm poor which makes that a little bit difficult. It sucks that graduation is a mere 10 days before Christmas. I know I probably won't get any shopping done before then.
I just ate some chicken nuggets and yogurt from Wendy's. Well, there was a drip of yogurt on the outside of the container that I thought I had dripped there. Well, no, I have no dripped it there. It was congealed and now I'm having visions of salmonella or something. I'm sure it was refrigerated so it was probably just congealed from the cold, but it was gross nonetheless. EW!
My dad's been working on my house non-stop lately. He's been scraping, sanding, priming, and painting outside. Today he took the wall heater out that's been disconnected for 3 years. Apparently my house was quite the buffet for termites at one point. The wall with the heater was held up by paper studs basically thanks to little termite mouths. I guess when I come home from LA I'll have a new wall in my living room/front room. I feel bad for everything that dad is doing. He's really amazing how he can do so much on his own. Maybe he can teach Brian.
I finished my latest Nicholas Sparks book today. As usual it made you believe in a great love that transcends time and circumstance. You know how girls expect so much because of romantic comedy movies? Well, add Nicholas Sparks to that list of unattainable loves. These people have whirlwind romances, endure tragedy, and love each other even more in the end. It really reminded me of the Notebook. Maybe he figured he'd re-work some of the details and get another big hit out of it. It'll probably be a movie before too long. It definitely had me hooked at the end. I was almost late for class cause I was reading it.
Ok, this is long enough. Maybe I'll proofread or maybe I'll shower. It's a toss up.
Louisiana here I come.
S.
I need to pack. I've made a make-shift packing list but I'm thinking I've left things off. I'll probably put packing off until the morning. I never can pack very well the night before. I don't like packing half my stuff but not the stuff I'll need in the morning. It just throws me all off.
I do need to shower though. I should have last night or this morning, but, well, I'm a lazy bastard. Plus, I needed new razor blades from Wal-Mart which I just got like 30 minutes ago. I needed to make sure my hairy legs were less hairy for Brian!
I can't believe how fast Christmas is approaching. I have so many people to buy gifts for! I'm poor which makes that a little bit difficult. It sucks that graduation is a mere 10 days before Christmas. I know I probably won't get any shopping done before then.
I just ate some chicken nuggets and yogurt from Wendy's. Well, there was a drip of yogurt on the outside of the container that I thought I had dripped there. Well, no, I have no dripped it there. It was congealed and now I'm having visions of salmonella or something. I'm sure it was refrigerated so it was probably just congealed from the cold, but it was gross nonetheless. EW!
My dad's been working on my house non-stop lately. He's been scraping, sanding, priming, and painting outside. Today he took the wall heater out that's been disconnected for 3 years. Apparently my house was quite the buffet for termites at one point. The wall with the heater was held up by paper studs basically thanks to little termite mouths. I guess when I come home from LA I'll have a new wall in my living room/front room. I feel bad for everything that dad is doing. He's really amazing how he can do so much on his own. Maybe he can teach Brian.
I finished my latest Nicholas Sparks book today. As usual it made you believe in a great love that transcends time and circumstance. You know how girls expect so much because of romantic comedy movies? Well, add Nicholas Sparks to that list of unattainable loves. These people have whirlwind romances, endure tragedy, and love each other even more in the end. It really reminded me of the Notebook. Maybe he figured he'd re-work some of the details and get another big hit out of it. It'll probably be a movie before too long. It definitely had me hooked at the end. I was almost late for class cause I was reading it.
Ok, this is long enough. Maybe I'll proofread or maybe I'll shower. It's a toss up.
Louisiana here I come.
S.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Unhappy.
Hey Kids.
So, I'm not happy. I'm stressed out and there's really no joy in anything. I'm annoyed with two friends for not being there for me and not acting how I think they should or how I expected them to. I've had this problem often over the years and maybe it's me. I'd think about changing something about me to alleviate this problem, but I haven't decided yet if I want to change anything - if I see it as a problem. I also have alot of homework to do this week. I have two weeks of observation notes due tomorrow that I finished tonight. I have a 6 page journal due Thursday that I'll have to finish tomorrow. I have a 10 page paper due in a week that I really want finished by Sunday night. My husband is getting deployed and the last time I'll see him before he leaves is next week. I can't wait to be there and away from here, but I can't help but think it's going to be extremely difficult and overwhelming for me. I'm glad my mom will be with me so I won't be driving home crying alone. I hope a day comes where I'm happy again.
Well, the animals are hungry and I need to get to bed. I finally get to get my hair done tomorrow. Expect changes. :) Night folks.
S.
So, I'm not happy. I'm stressed out and there's really no joy in anything. I'm annoyed with two friends for not being there for me and not acting how I think they should or how I expected them to. I've had this problem often over the years and maybe it's me. I'd think about changing something about me to alleviate this problem, but I haven't decided yet if I want to change anything - if I see it as a problem. I also have alot of homework to do this week. I have two weeks of observation notes due tomorrow that I finished tonight. I have a 6 page journal due Thursday that I'll have to finish tomorrow. I have a 10 page paper due in a week that I really want finished by Sunday night. My husband is getting deployed and the last time I'll see him before he leaves is next week. I can't wait to be there and away from here, but I can't help but think it's going to be extremely difficult and overwhelming for me. I'm glad my mom will be with me so I won't be driving home crying alone. I hope a day comes where I'm happy again.
Well, the animals are hungry and I need to get to bed. I finally get to get my hair done tomorrow. Expect changes. :) Night folks.
S.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
PMS.
I'm overly emotional and I'm not sure why. I could blame it on that-time-of-the-month, but I'm not sure if that is it.
I think I'm mildly depressed, which I think is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances, but I don't like being unhappy. I'm starting to think it may be because I feel a little like a failure. I'm graduating in 4 1/2 weeks with a degree I don't want to do anything with. I wasted all of that money. I wasted it. I shouldn't have gone, it's a waste. I don't have any good friends and I haven't in a long time. A very long time. I'm not even sure if I know how to have an "adult" friendship. The only "good" ones I've had were in high school, and I even had my fair share of problems with those. Actually, I've realized I was harder on them than I should have been and took them for granted. I'm sorry for that now. I think I have also become a bad friend. I don't call people, I don't make it a point to do things with them. I just hibernate at home. I don't think I feel like people do/would like me.
I also don't have anything to look forward to. Nothing. I'm graduating and while I'm excited about a break from homework, I am not going to a career that excites me. I'm not even going to a career. I just got married and I can't even look forward to our life together because there's a greater than normal chance that that won't happen. I'm not going to grad school next semester and maybe I won't ever get my butt to grad school. Honestly, grad school scares me. I'm scared of what would be expected of me. I feel so burnt out on school work now and I go to a joke of a university. I'm afraid to be challenged and fail, which I'm afraid will keep me from trying. I'm also not sure how I'm going to survive Brian being gone. I have a wonderful family, but beyond that, I don't have much. Where am I going to find a social life, or one friend to hang out with for that matter. I can't even find someone to go to f*cking Shreveport on Saturday. C'mon a FREE trip to Louisiana and a FREE night in a hotel and no one wants to/can go.
Maybe I'm taking everything too personally. I probably am. I'm tired and lonely and feel like I'm running so hard, with all my might, and not getting anywhere. I feel overwhelmed with life right now. I probably wasn't ready for the grown up responsibilities of being a wife. I'm still terrified by the unfamiliar which makes it hard to get anything done. I have to worry about what is affordable and how we are going to make it. I'm afraid we'll make a bad decision and we'll have to pay for it for the rest of our lives. I'm afraid I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I don't.
S.
I think I'm mildly depressed, which I think is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances, but I don't like being unhappy. I'm starting to think it may be because I feel a little like a failure. I'm graduating in 4 1/2 weeks with a degree I don't want to do anything with. I wasted all of that money. I wasted it. I shouldn't have gone, it's a waste. I don't have any good friends and I haven't in a long time. A very long time. I'm not even sure if I know how to have an "adult" friendship. The only "good" ones I've had were in high school, and I even had my fair share of problems with those. Actually, I've realized I was harder on them than I should have been and took them for granted. I'm sorry for that now. I think I have also become a bad friend. I don't call people, I don't make it a point to do things with them. I just hibernate at home. I don't think I feel like people do/would like me.
I also don't have anything to look forward to. Nothing. I'm graduating and while I'm excited about a break from homework, I am not going to a career that excites me. I'm not even going to a career. I just got married and I can't even look forward to our life together because there's a greater than normal chance that that won't happen. I'm not going to grad school next semester and maybe I won't ever get my butt to grad school. Honestly, grad school scares me. I'm scared of what would be expected of me. I feel so burnt out on school work now and I go to a joke of a university. I'm afraid to be challenged and fail, which I'm afraid will keep me from trying. I'm also not sure how I'm going to survive Brian being gone. I have a wonderful family, but beyond that, I don't have much. Where am I going to find a social life, or one friend to hang out with for that matter. I can't even find someone to go to f*cking Shreveport on Saturday. C'mon a FREE trip to Louisiana and a FREE night in a hotel and no one wants to/can go.
Maybe I'm taking everything too personally. I probably am. I'm tired and lonely and feel like I'm running so hard, with all my might, and not getting anywhere. I feel overwhelmed with life right now. I probably wasn't ready for the grown up responsibilities of being a wife. I'm still terrified by the unfamiliar which makes it hard to get anything done. I have to worry about what is affordable and how we are going to make it. I'm afraid we'll make a bad decision and we'll have to pay for it for the rest of our lives. I'm afraid I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe I don't.
S.
I hate showers, well not totally.
One of my least favorite things is showering on a chilly morning. I just cannot stand it.
Ok, my alarm just went off - again - which means it's time to drag myself up and get ready to knock some observing hours out at out-patient.
Toodles.
S.
Ok, my alarm just went off - again - which means it's time to drag myself up and get ready to knock some observing hours out at out-patient.
Toodles.
S.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Work Out Wii.
So, I'm 95% finished with my Holocaust project. It's due Thursday at 1:20. It's only Monday. That is practically unheard of for me. Maybe I'm sick. Now I'm thinking about going to my car and getting my Neuro. book so I can read the chapter I need to read. No sense putting it off 'til tomorrow, right? Now I really sound sick. Ha.
This morning I was sleeping, well kinda half-sleeping, and my phone goes off on my desk. I leap out of bed - because it was Brian's ringtone - and grab the phone. Somewhere between my bed and my desk, though, i realized my body was yelling at me. Yes, ladies and gents, I am sore from a video game. A Wii to be exact. I knew I was flailing around alot yesterday and hit some mean forehands on Wii Tennis, but I had no idea I would wake up feeling like I'm 80.
I'm hoping I can catch up - sort of - on my observation hours this week. I'm free all day tomorrow and until 1 on Wednesday. I really need to catch up so I can take some of the pressure off of myself. It's just hanging over my head right now. In fact alot of things are hanging over my head right now. I'm not thinking about it.
S.
This morning I was sleeping, well kinda half-sleeping, and my phone goes off on my desk. I leap out of bed - because it was Brian's ringtone - and grab the phone. Somewhere between my bed and my desk, though, i realized my body was yelling at me. Yes, ladies and gents, I am sore from a video game. A Wii to be exact. I knew I was flailing around alot yesterday and hit some mean forehands on Wii Tennis, but I had no idea I would wake up feeling like I'm 80.
I'm hoping I can catch up - sort of - on my observation hours this week. I'm free all day tomorrow and until 1 on Wednesday. I really need to catch up so I can take some of the pressure off of myself. It's just hanging over my head right now. In fact alot of things are hanging over my head right now. I'm not thinking about it.
S.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
So Much To Do.
So, it's been a week and I'm not sure if things are better or worse. I didn't know I was capable of missing someone so much. Sometimes I'll think about him - when I'm driving, in class, while eating lunch - and I am overcome with - I can't even describe it - this feeling of immense love, admiration, and pride. I hope time goes quickly and I can hold it together.
I finally found a Wii today at Wal-Mart. They got 12 in last night and by 10 AM they had 2 left. I took one of those. It is my (early) Christmas present from Brian. I'm thinking that it just might keep me busy (and in shape) while he's gone. Because I got this Wii, Keith, Sally, and Jessica ended up at my house for the vast majority of the night to play with it. It's easy to procrastinate and forget about things when people are around. I finally made them vacate about 20 minutes ago when I felt my eyelids get heavy. We "fell back" last night which is wonderful, but my body is thinking it's midnight right now, not 11.
As usual, I am stressed about school. I have a wicked case of senioritis and I find it increasingly hard to focus on things - all things - as Brian's d-day closes in on us. I have a mountain - seriously - of laundry to do. I had every intention of doing this weekend, but it is late Sunday and it still remains undone. I have many large-ish projects due in the next 2 weeks and I did nothing about any of them today. I can't tell if I have always been like this about school, or if I am worse this semester. I know I have more free time this semester, but I am not using it wisely. I just want to graduate.
To Do:
1. Finish Make It/Take It.
2. Find 10 sources for Holocaust paper.
3. Write 1st draft of Holocaust paper.
4. Print Holocaust pictures.
5. Finish Holocaust book (creative project).
6. Read Chapter 12 for Neuro.
7. Finish acute observation hours.
8. Finish out-patient observation hours.
9. Grad Finale on Nov. 6th or 7th.
10. Pay bills.
11. Order a debit card for me for Brian's acct.
12. Change driver's license.
13. Change name on credit cards.
14. Change name on Cosmo, other mail.
15. Make a lease for Brian.
16. Medical POA.
17. Check into Dental Insurance.
That's alot. Goodnight.
S.
I finally found a Wii today at Wal-Mart. They got 12 in last night and by 10 AM they had 2 left. I took one of those. It is my (early) Christmas present from Brian. I'm thinking that it just might keep me busy (and in shape) while he's gone. Because I got this Wii, Keith, Sally, and Jessica ended up at my house for the vast majority of the night to play with it. It's easy to procrastinate and forget about things when people are around. I finally made them vacate about 20 minutes ago when I felt my eyelids get heavy. We "fell back" last night which is wonderful, but my body is thinking it's midnight right now, not 11.
As usual, I am stressed about school. I have a wicked case of senioritis and I find it increasingly hard to focus on things - all things - as Brian's d-day closes in on us. I have a mountain - seriously - of laundry to do. I had every intention of doing this weekend, but it is late Sunday and it still remains undone. I have many large-ish projects due in the next 2 weeks and I did nothing about any of them today. I can't tell if I have always been like this about school, or if I am worse this semester. I know I have more free time this semester, but I am not using it wisely. I just want to graduate.
To Do:
1. Finish Make It/Take It.
2. Find 10 sources for Holocaust paper.
3. Write 1st draft of Holocaust paper.
4. Print Holocaust pictures.
5. Finish Holocaust book (creative project).
6. Read Chapter 12 for Neuro.
7. Finish acute observation hours.
8. Finish out-patient observation hours.
9. Grad Finale on Nov. 6th or 7th.
10. Pay bills.
11. Order a debit card for me for Brian's acct.
12. Change driver's license.
13. Change name on credit cards.
14. Change name on Cosmo, other mail.
15. Make a lease for Brian.
16. Medical POA.
17. Check into Dental Insurance.
That's alot. Goodnight.
S.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Bye Bye Block Leave.
He's gone. I cried. I feel the tears burning in my eyes as I type. I know as soon as I speak to someone - a simple "hello" - and I'll be crying all over again. It is so hard to adjust to being alone when you were a part of something for awhile. I'm hungry, "Honey, what should we eat for lunch?" No answer. He's driving away from me. I wish I could make him stay, but I always understand.
Everything will be ok. It will all work out. Breathe.
Everything will be ok. It will all work out. Breathe.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Goodbyes.
My husband of a month and a week leaves tomorrow. I pray that it is not the last time I will see him before he steps out of my life for awhile, but I don't put anything past the military. Sometimes I wonder how many goodbyes we could have in less than a year. The uncontainable happiness that I felt a mere 3 weeks ago at having him by my side everyday has been suddenly replaced by an awkward numbness that I know will instantly wear off when he drives away from my house leaving me alone in a puddle of despair. Dramatic? No, truth.
Before Brian joined the Army, I didn't really have any experiences with goodbyes. I never really had a long distance relationship and I surely never had to say goodbye to my one true love for months at a time not knowing when I would hear his voice again. I have learned a few things over the last 6 or so months about how I handle goodbyes. First, I ignore the impending departure. I refuse to clutter my mind with thoughts of sad times. Maybe if I think about it too long, it will get here sooner. Then, for the few days before he leaves, I get numb. I'm definitely not happy, but I'm not overly sad. I know what is about to happen is depressing, and in my head, I am sad, but I never cry. I don't have any tears. Finally, he is packed up and ready to hit the road. That's when I lose it. Out of nowhere I am a blubbering idiot trying usually unsuccessfully to hold it together. I hate it when this happens. I don't want his last image of me to be of tears streaming down my face. After that I usually call my mom thinking I've pulled myself together enough to talk to someone. As soon as she says "hello" I break down all over again. Those times have been some of the most depressing for me. I bounce back, I always do, but I am so all-consumingly sad when he leaves. My world gets turned upside down.
The goodbyes keep getting harder. There is a chance - hopefully a small chance - that tomorrow morning will be the last time I see his beautiful face, touch his warm skin, smell his unique scent before he leaves for Iraq. I don't know where he'll be or what he'll be doing. I don't even know when I'll talk to him or if I can. I don't know what to send, what he needs. I don't know how to be a single married woman. I don't know what is and isn't allowed in care packages. I don't know how we'll communicate. I don't know if he'll be safe. I just don't know.
Because I am still in school, I still classify time by semesters. This fall semester of 2007 will go down in the history books as the most trying semester of my education, of my life thus far. I wish I had the option of laying in bed for a few days after Brian is gone. I wish I could hide from the world. But I can't. I have to make sure I pass so I can graduate. I have to get my ring, go to Dallas, write a paper, present a book report, observe, etc., etc. It never ends. This Christmas will be painfully bittersweet.
I have learned from the Army that one of the most precious things to me is knowing where Brian is. Right now he's in Potosi, tomorrow he'll drive 8 hours to Fort Polk. When he gets there he'll go through the gate, park his truck, walk up those 2 flights of stairs, open his door, say hi to Westover, put his stuff down, talk to me, and go to sleep. Most people take for granted that they know what their loved ones are doing, what they usually do. I fear the day when I don't know, when I can't know.
I miss him already and he's not even gone. I will think about him every moment and pray for him every night. I hope that life works out for us the way we have planned. I pray. I hope. Pray. Hope.
Before Brian joined the Army, I didn't really have any experiences with goodbyes. I never really had a long distance relationship and I surely never had to say goodbye to my one true love for months at a time not knowing when I would hear his voice again. I have learned a few things over the last 6 or so months about how I handle goodbyes. First, I ignore the impending departure. I refuse to clutter my mind with thoughts of sad times. Maybe if I think about it too long, it will get here sooner. Then, for the few days before he leaves, I get numb. I'm definitely not happy, but I'm not overly sad. I know what is about to happen is depressing, and in my head, I am sad, but I never cry. I don't have any tears. Finally, he is packed up and ready to hit the road. That's when I lose it. Out of nowhere I am a blubbering idiot trying usually unsuccessfully to hold it together. I hate it when this happens. I don't want his last image of me to be of tears streaming down my face. After that I usually call my mom thinking I've pulled myself together enough to talk to someone. As soon as she says "hello" I break down all over again. Those times have been some of the most depressing for me. I bounce back, I always do, but I am so all-consumingly sad when he leaves. My world gets turned upside down.
The goodbyes keep getting harder. There is a chance - hopefully a small chance - that tomorrow morning will be the last time I see his beautiful face, touch his warm skin, smell his unique scent before he leaves for Iraq. I don't know where he'll be or what he'll be doing. I don't even know when I'll talk to him or if I can. I don't know what to send, what he needs. I don't know how to be a single married woman. I don't know what is and isn't allowed in care packages. I don't know how we'll communicate. I don't know if he'll be safe. I just don't know.
Because I am still in school, I still classify time by semesters. This fall semester of 2007 will go down in the history books as the most trying semester of my education, of my life thus far. I wish I had the option of laying in bed for a few days after Brian is gone. I wish I could hide from the world. But I can't. I have to make sure I pass so I can graduate. I have to get my ring, go to Dallas, write a paper, present a book report, observe, etc., etc. It never ends. This Christmas will be painfully bittersweet.
I have learned from the Army that one of the most precious things to me is knowing where Brian is. Right now he's in Potosi, tomorrow he'll drive 8 hours to Fort Polk. When he gets there he'll go through the gate, park his truck, walk up those 2 flights of stairs, open his door, say hi to Westover, put his stuff down, talk to me, and go to sleep. Most people take for granted that they know what their loved ones are doing, what they usually do. I fear the day when I don't know, when I can't know.
I miss him already and he's not even gone. I will think about him every moment and pray for him every night. I hope that life works out for us the way we have planned. I pray. I hope. Pray. Hope.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Introducing Mrs. Ivy
I'm bad at blogging.
I got married. And my husband is getting deployed in 2 months.
Sometimes the fact that I won't see him for more than a year, that I won't know when or if I'll talk to him from day to day, that I'll have no idea how he is doing or where he is - it all hits me really hard. I'll be sitting in class or watching tv or driving and I'll get really sad. I have a feeling it's going to be much harder on me than I want it to be or I thought it would be. I just can't imagine that much time without him by my side. I won't be able to call him at the end of my first day of substitute teaching to tell him how it went. I won't be able to call him when something goes wrong and I need the sound of his voice to make me feel better. I really hope I'm strong enough.
This semester is really weird for me. I want it to be over so I won't have to deal with school anymore or Dr. Hell. At the same time, I need the next 2 months to crawl by so I can drag out the last moments of knowing my husband is safe. And through all of that, I'm wanting weeks to go by quickly so I can see said husband again. He's coming home next weekend and I just want this week to go by so quickly so I can see him again.
I wanted to write and now I'm not sure what I wanted to say.
I want a vacation. I think I'm going to try to talk my family into LBI next summer. That'd be something to look forward to.
I'm still adjusting to this whole being married thing. Calling Brian my husband is still extremely weird. Thinking everything is ours now is weird too. It's all just weird....but in a good way.
Ok, I should be productive now.
-S.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
So Much Change.
So, Brian is gone again. This time he's 8 hours away in Louisiana and who knows when he can come home again. Grrreat!
The plan now looks like I'll be moving back home. I'm scared to pack all of this house up and move into a little room. Well, I take that back. It's not a small room and I'll have my own bathroom. It's just more change I suppose.
And on a lighter note, Tiny pooped all over the house today. I'll pretend it's because he misses Brian. Haha.
S.
The plan now looks like I'll be moving back home. I'm scared to pack all of this house up and move into a little room. Well, I take that back. It's not a small room and I'll have my own bathroom. It's just more change I suppose.
And on a lighter note, Tiny pooped all over the house today. I'll pretend it's because he misses Brian. Haha.
S.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
A Picture Post!
Some pics from the last 10 days or so:
^^Driving to see Brian for the first time in 2+ months.
^^I heart my Army man. 
^^Delta Battery 3rd Platoon "Nightstalkers".
^^The Taillons + PFC BWI.
^^The Ivys (Ivies? ha.).
^^My hunky bf after he graduated!
^^Happy 46th Taillon!
^^(1) Look how big Tiny is. (2) Look how massive my bicep looks.
^^I love BBTD.
Love, S.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Long Re-Cap of OK.
Hey look, I'm here!
Alot has happened. I finished Speech Camp and as I type this I am officially off the hook for Make It/Take It until the fall. Looks like I'll have a nice little break for about 10 days until tennis starts on July 9th. I'm a little excited about tennis in Sum2. I'm hoping it'll whip me into shape. Being to school by 7:00am every morning will, however, be interesting. At least I don't have to look my best - cotton shorts and a t-shirt sound good!
Ok, to the exciting stuff: I GOT TO SEE BRIAN!
I had Speech Camp stuff to do on Wednesday (June 20th) so I was up at school at 9. Jenna had been staying with me since Monday night which was really fun, but also another thing to deal with. I had completely packed the night before except for some last minute things so I had time to grab lunch with mom after I finished at school. Then I rushed home to throw the last minute things in my bag. I packed everything up, including Tiny's food & bed, and headed out to deposit a check, mail a couple bills, and return a movie to Blockbuster. I had to do all that in about 30 minutes. I was cutting it a bit close. Well, I finally got over there and we set out - in separate cars. Mom and I were in the VW and dad was in his truck.
The drive was uneventful. We hit some rain once we got to OK. It cleaned the bugs off the windshield, but OK's roads basically suck. Hydroplaning was a true possibility, but Mom kept the car on the road. We arrived at the Hampton Inn and took the elevator up the 4th floor and discovered our room was unusually large. It was the nicest $85 room I've ever seen. They told Dad when he checked in that there was free pizza and beer downstairs so we headed back down to partake. We thought the Ivy's were a good few hours behind us so I was surprised when Crystal called soon after we sat down with our pizza. They were in OK and I gave them directions to the hotel. They arrived soon after and we showed them their room (which was much smaller than ours - sorry!) and then we all took off across the parking lot for the trough (aka Golden Corral). It was ridiculously crowded and I wasn't even hungry. I ate one plate of desserts after I got off the phone with Brian who called when we were getting our drinks. Of course I couldn't eat and talk to him because it was hard enough hearing him in there. We walked back to the HI and discussed when we were leaving the next morning. Then we all went to bed. Exciting!
So, Thursday morning. I woke up and couldn't believe it had finally arrived. I hadn't slept very well the night before and was getting more anxious every second. I took a shower and got dressed in my fantastic yellow shirt. We left at precisely 9 am and arrived at Brian's Battalion at about 9:20. I think my freak out began when we pulled into the parking lot and my parents decided we should go in and not sit in the car for 20 more minutes. (Had I mentioned it was raining?) We walked in and Mom walked out of her flip flop in front of strangers. It was humorous. Oh and I was walking in under an enormous VW umbrella that was free with the Passat. We followed the signs to "Classroom 1" and went in. We bought t-shirts with "Ivy, Brian William" on the back among many others. I soon realized I got pretty much zero signal in that dungeon-ous classroom. I had been texting Brian back and forth all morning and found I had to hold my arm at a peculiar angle near my mom to get a decent enough signal to receive and/or send texts. I told Brian we were downstairs and he said he was really nervous. That didn't help my nerves at all.
We sat through about 35 minutes of torturous nonsense. I'm not even sure what was said. Theeen we went outside and were split up based on what platoon our "loved one" was in. Brian was 3rd platoon. Then some guy just said "follow me" and off we went. This would be the time that my freak out accelerated exponentially. By the time I climbed those 2 flights of stairs, I was shaking in my heels. *side note: they should warn people that climbing stairs is a requirement so that the fat couple might wait to be last up the stairs so they won't stop everyone. Kinda sad, Kinda funny.* We walk into this room with ugly green beds and guys standing next to their respective bed. There were 4 rows of beds with 2 walkways. Everyone just naturally turned right when we walked in and walked down among a bunch of guys I didn't know. It took me a few beds down to realize there was another side with more guys standing there. I had no idea where Brian was. In hindsight, maybe that would have been a good thing to ask Brian the night before. So I'm walking down this first walkway, scared out of my mind, when a guy out of nowhere says "he's on the other side". I look at him with probably the most confused face ever and he says "you're looking for Ivy, right?". I think I nodded, but I'm really not sure. Either way I now knew where my Brian was. After I got past this guy who I later found out was O'Reilly, I had a little freak out that this guy knew who I was just from pictures. It was one of the oddest moments of my life.
Ok, so we walk around the other side and I see him. I really start shaking. I saw him see me too. I didn't even know how to act and I was really shaking. I have never shaken that much about anything. I don't even know what to say about those 45 minutes we spend up in Brian's "bay". By the time we left I would like to think I was a little bit back to normal. While we were up there my mom took the best picture of Brian and I that has ever been taken. I love it. He looks soooo handsome and my eyes are fierce blue. OH and there was this girl in his amazingly hideous white dress who apparently was going out with the smallest guy in Brian's whole battery. I should have taken a picture.
We left there and went to the (something) club on the regular side of the post. Dad was leading and managed to get us to take about 29376 u-turns. We got there and had to watch the guys stand in formation and get briefed on what they could and couldn't do on pass. After lunch they were on pass until about 9 that night so they needed to remember that they (1) couldn't take off anymore than their jacket, (2) couldn't drink, (3) no tobacco, and (4) no adult establishments. So we finally go in and eat a surprisingly good buffet. I think I was back to normal by this point. Brian sat next to me and we bumped knees alot. That's basically the extent of the PDA you can get away with in front of all kinds of family. Then we left, walked awkwardly around the Px and looked around the t-shirt place. Mom bought me some really cute Army shorts. (Thanks Mom!)
We went back to the hotel and Brian changed into his cowboy civilian clothes. Both families all hung out for awhile. Brian and I snuck away for awhile so we could just chill and calm down and be near each other. We hadn't so much as touched in over 2 months. It was nice...more than nice. We spend a big chunk of the afternoon trying to figure out the alternative way onto the training side. We found it and Dad drove us around in a few more circles before we ended up back at Brian's building. Luckily we got there early cause the drill sargeants were being gay and were apparently having formation at 8:45 in their PTs instead of 9:00 like originally thought. So we say goodbye and head back to the hotel.
The next day was the actual graduation. We got up and got ready again and were heading out at 9. We got to the theatre after only 1 u-turn and bought some more t-shirts with Brian's name on the back. We stood around in the sprinkles waiting for them to open the doors. They finally did about 15 minutes before 10. Since we got there early, we got pretty good seats on the aisle on the side near the guys. The graduation was impressive aside from the faulty microphone. (everything in the military is always "just a little bit off".) Afterwards we had to drive back to Brian's Battery to pick him up. He was ours again until 9. We went to lunch at Applebee's which only required 1 u-turn to find. After that we went back to the hotel and my parents left to come back home.
Basically I spend the next 48 hours with Brian, thinking about Brian, eating with Brian, or driving home. It was so nice to see him and it was sad to leave. It wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be because I was anticipating things would get easier with more communication. Well, I've been home for 3 days now and, yes, he has his cell phone so he can call me and text me sometimes, but the communication isn't really that much better. And I miss him. As I sit here, I'm hoping he can call me. I know he is allowed to use his phone after 5 but that, coincidentally, is the same time they go to chow. So here I am waiting for my phone to go off, hoping my phone goes off because I miss him and I want to talk to him. Ugh.
Alright, this is ridiculously long. I think I might walk Tiny. I need some fresh air I think.
S.
Alot has happened. I finished Speech Camp and as I type this I am officially off the hook for Make It/Take It until the fall. Looks like I'll have a nice little break for about 10 days until tennis starts on July 9th. I'm a little excited about tennis in Sum2. I'm hoping it'll whip me into shape. Being to school by 7:00am every morning will, however, be interesting. At least I don't have to look my best - cotton shorts and a t-shirt sound good!
Ok, to the exciting stuff: I GOT TO SEE BRIAN!
I had Speech Camp stuff to do on Wednesday (June 20th) so I was up at school at 9. Jenna had been staying with me since Monday night which was really fun, but also another thing to deal with. I had completely packed the night before except for some last minute things so I had time to grab lunch with mom after I finished at school. Then I rushed home to throw the last minute things in my bag. I packed everything up, including Tiny's food & bed, and headed out to deposit a check, mail a couple bills, and return a movie to Blockbuster. I had to do all that in about 30 minutes. I was cutting it a bit close. Well, I finally got over there and we set out - in separate cars. Mom and I were in the VW and dad was in his truck.
The drive was uneventful. We hit some rain once we got to OK. It cleaned the bugs off the windshield, but OK's roads basically suck. Hydroplaning was a true possibility, but Mom kept the car on the road. We arrived at the Hampton Inn and took the elevator up the 4th floor and discovered our room was unusually large. It was the nicest $85 room I've ever seen. They told Dad when he checked in that there was free pizza and beer downstairs so we headed back down to partake. We thought the Ivy's were a good few hours behind us so I was surprised when Crystal called soon after we sat down with our pizza. They were in OK and I gave them directions to the hotel. They arrived soon after and we showed them their room (which was much smaller than ours - sorry!) and then we all took off across the parking lot for the trough (aka Golden Corral). It was ridiculously crowded and I wasn't even hungry. I ate one plate of desserts after I got off the phone with Brian who called when we were getting our drinks. Of course I couldn't eat and talk to him because it was hard enough hearing him in there. We walked back to the HI and discussed when we were leaving the next morning. Then we all went to bed. Exciting!
So, Thursday morning. I woke up and couldn't believe it had finally arrived. I hadn't slept very well the night before and was getting more anxious every second. I took a shower and got dressed in my fantastic yellow shirt. We left at precisely 9 am and arrived at Brian's Battalion at about 9:20. I think my freak out began when we pulled into the parking lot and my parents decided we should go in and not sit in the car for 20 more minutes. (Had I mentioned it was raining?) We walked in and Mom walked out of her flip flop in front of strangers. It was humorous. Oh and I was walking in under an enormous VW umbrella that was free with the Passat. We followed the signs to "Classroom 1" and went in. We bought t-shirts with "Ivy, Brian William" on the back among many others. I soon realized I got pretty much zero signal in that dungeon-ous classroom. I had been texting Brian back and forth all morning and found I had to hold my arm at a peculiar angle near my mom to get a decent enough signal to receive and/or send texts. I told Brian we were downstairs and he said he was really nervous. That didn't help my nerves at all.
We sat through about 35 minutes of torturous nonsense. I'm not even sure what was said. Theeen we went outside and were split up based on what platoon our "loved one" was in. Brian was 3rd platoon. Then some guy just said "follow me" and off we went. This would be the time that my freak out accelerated exponentially. By the time I climbed those 2 flights of stairs, I was shaking in my heels. *side note: they should warn people that climbing stairs is a requirement so that the fat couple might wait to be last up the stairs so they won't stop everyone. Kinda sad, Kinda funny.* We walk into this room with ugly green beds and guys standing next to their respective bed. There were 4 rows of beds with 2 walkways. Everyone just naturally turned right when we walked in and walked down among a bunch of guys I didn't know. It took me a few beds down to realize there was another side with more guys standing there. I had no idea where Brian was. In hindsight, maybe that would have been a good thing to ask Brian the night before. So I'm walking down this first walkway, scared out of my mind, when a guy out of nowhere says "he's on the other side". I look at him with probably the most confused face ever and he says "you're looking for Ivy, right?". I think I nodded, but I'm really not sure. Either way I now knew where my Brian was. After I got past this guy who I later found out was O'Reilly, I had a little freak out that this guy knew who I was just from pictures. It was one of the oddest moments of my life.
Ok, so we walk around the other side and I see him. I really start shaking. I saw him see me too. I didn't even know how to act and I was really shaking. I have never shaken that much about anything. I don't even know what to say about those 45 minutes we spend up in Brian's "bay". By the time we left I would like to think I was a little bit back to normal. While we were up there my mom took the best picture of Brian and I that has ever been taken. I love it. He looks soooo handsome and my eyes are fierce blue. OH and there was this girl in his amazingly hideous white dress who apparently was going out with the smallest guy in Brian's whole battery. I should have taken a picture.
We left there and went to the (something) club on the regular side of the post. Dad was leading and managed to get us to take about 29376 u-turns. We got there and had to watch the guys stand in formation and get briefed on what they could and couldn't do on pass. After lunch they were on pass until about 9 that night so they needed to remember that they (1) couldn't take off anymore than their jacket, (2) couldn't drink, (3) no tobacco, and (4) no adult establishments. So we finally go in and eat a surprisingly good buffet. I think I was back to normal by this point. Brian sat next to me and we bumped knees alot. That's basically the extent of the PDA you can get away with in front of all kinds of family. Then we left, walked awkwardly around the Px and looked around the t-shirt place. Mom bought me some really cute Army shorts. (Thanks Mom!)
We went back to the hotel and Brian changed into his cowboy civilian clothes. Both families all hung out for awhile. Brian and I snuck away for awhile so we could just chill and calm down and be near each other. We hadn't so much as touched in over 2 months. It was nice...more than nice. We spend a big chunk of the afternoon trying to figure out the alternative way onto the training side. We found it and Dad drove us around in a few more circles before we ended up back at Brian's building. Luckily we got there early cause the drill sargeants were being gay and were apparently having formation at 8:45 in their PTs instead of 9:00 like originally thought. So we say goodbye and head back to the hotel.
The next day was the actual graduation. We got up and got ready again and were heading out at 9. We got to the theatre after only 1 u-turn and bought some more t-shirts with Brian's name on the back. We stood around in the sprinkles waiting for them to open the doors. They finally did about 15 minutes before 10. Since we got there early, we got pretty good seats on the aisle on the side near the guys. The graduation was impressive aside from the faulty microphone. (everything in the military is always "just a little bit off".) Afterwards we had to drive back to Brian's Battery to pick him up. He was ours again until 9. We went to lunch at Applebee's which only required 1 u-turn to find. After that we went back to the hotel and my parents left to come back home.
Basically I spend the next 48 hours with Brian, thinking about Brian, eating with Brian, or driving home. It was so nice to see him and it was sad to leave. It wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be because I was anticipating things would get easier with more communication. Well, I've been home for 3 days now and, yes, he has his cell phone so he can call me and text me sometimes, but the communication isn't really that much better. And I miss him. As I sit here, I'm hoping he can call me. I know he is allowed to use his phone after 5 but that, coincidentally, is the same time they go to chow. So here I am waiting for my phone to go off, hoping my phone goes off because I miss him and I want to talk to him. Ugh.
Alright, this is ridiculously long. I think I might walk Tiny. I need some fresh air I think.
S.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
7/10
Good evening World Wide Web!
I, for once, am finished with my Speech Camp prep for tomorrow. I was actually finished by 4 and have since written Brian, picked up some rawhide chews for Tiny, and got shoes for Jana's wedding. One thing I can say for Speech Camp is that it has made my productivity level increase exponentially every day. It has also, however, made me really dehydrated. Maybe it's all the talking all morning.
Kimbra got sick this morning. I've never seen a person look so pale. I hope she feels better and can make it in the morning so I'm not covering all 6 of our kids. It is bound to be an interesting day if she's sick.
The countdown until I see Brian has dropped to the single digits. 9 more days from this morning. I remember when I started my countdown and it was in the 40s. Wow. Time has flown, yet crawled at the same time. I don't have time right now to think about it, but when I allow myself a few minutes to think about seeing him after so many days, I get a little scared. I'm not sure how I'll act or what I'll feel. I guess I'll know a little more than a week from now.
So, Jana's shower is Saturday. It is bound to be an interesting affair. If I wasn't so busy with Camp, I'm sure I'd be apprehensive about it as well. I'm curious as to who will show up and with what gifts in tow. I am also curious about how it will all be set up. I want to see what crazy affair Jana's mom and friends cook up. Is it bad that I haven't gotten her a true shower gift from me? I'm wickedly poor and frankly don't care right now. Especially when the vast majority of her gifts are more than 5 pairs of my Gianni Bini shoes that I bought today.
Ok, I think I am going to rest for the remainder of the evening and get a good night's sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning. Only 3 more days of Speech Camp! Yeehaw!!
-S
I, for once, am finished with my Speech Camp prep for tomorrow. I was actually finished by 4 and have since written Brian, picked up some rawhide chews for Tiny, and got shoes for Jana's wedding. One thing I can say for Speech Camp is that it has made my productivity level increase exponentially every day. It has also, however, made me really dehydrated. Maybe it's all the talking all morning.
Kimbra got sick this morning. I've never seen a person look so pale. I hope she feels better and can make it in the morning so I'm not covering all 6 of our kids. It is bound to be an interesting day if she's sick.
The countdown until I see Brian has dropped to the single digits. 9 more days from this morning. I remember when I started my countdown and it was in the 40s. Wow. Time has flown, yet crawled at the same time. I don't have time right now to think about it, but when I allow myself a few minutes to think about seeing him after so many days, I get a little scared. I'm not sure how I'll act or what I'll feel. I guess I'll know a little more than a week from now.
So, Jana's shower is Saturday. It is bound to be an interesting affair. If I wasn't so busy with Camp, I'm sure I'd be apprehensive about it as well. I'm curious as to who will show up and with what gifts in tow. I am also curious about how it will all be set up. I want to see what crazy affair Jana's mom and friends cook up. Is it bad that I haven't gotten her a true shower gift from me? I'm wickedly poor and frankly don't care right now. Especially when the vast majority of her gifts are more than 5 pairs of my Gianni Bini shoes that I bought today.
Ok, I think I am going to rest for the remainder of the evening and get a good night's sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning. Only 3 more days of Speech Camp! Yeehaw!!
-S
Friday, June 8, 2007
Summary.
So, my week from hell is finally over. The infamous Speech Camp has started and is now half over. It has been one of the most emotionally draining and physically/mentally exhausting weeks of my life. I have woken up at 6 or 6:30 every morning for 5 days first of all. I haven't done that since high school. That was a whole FOUR years ago. Then I go to Locust to see 2 different groups of speech deficient youngsters. After the first day, I got saddled with a little boy named Aidan who has some severe problems. He is a major behavioral problem and has either sensorineural problems or is some form of autistic or both. He requires my undivided attention for the entire 90 minutes just to keep him under control and somewhat focused. This is all fine and dandy if he were my only child. Somehow a poor boy named Zane got stuck with Aidan and I for the week and I'm sure he got absolutely nothing out of it. I had a breakdown on Tuesday - my first day with Aidan - because I ran out of things to do with him halfway through the session. I just didn't know what my professors expected me to do with this demon child. I've stopped caring since then and I have now gotten rid of him. My classmate will now be in charge of him starting Monday - Hallelujah.
So, my other children. There is Kenneth who was supposedly a stutterer. He isn't. He is, however, a behavior problem as well. He's defiant and likes to test his boundaries. I have managed to keep him in check and I think build a relationship with him so he won't push me too far. Then there is Madison. He is 1/2 black, 1/2 white which means he's adorable. He loves to talk and talks a mile a minute. His language is delayed, but I almost think it's cultural and not really something that can or will be fixed. I also have one girl named Bethany who happens to only have one hand. Oh, and no one told me about that before the first day. She was adopted from China and has some language/artic. issues. She won't be mine next week tho, she's going to go with Kimbra to even out our groups. And last, but not least, is adorable Ethan. I love this kid. He's wide eyed and so smart. His parents recently split up and I think it's affecting him deep in his little heart. He has mentioned it a few times and I do my best to say the best things. I wish I could take him home. His mom is ok and I know he'll be ok, but I just love this kid. I need to take my camera before the end of the week and get pictures of everyone.
Well, now it's Friday and I'm doing nothing tonight. I'm actually probably going to bed soon. It's been a long week and all my work will start over again tomorrow. I also have a funeral early in the morning for my old boss who happens to also be my old Sunday school teacher. He's been really sick for awhile and he's not in pain anymore. So, I have to be up at 8 tomorrow to shower and be ready by 9:30. I'm ok with it, I'm tired anyway.
I haven't talked to Brian since Monday night. I was hoping I'd hear from him again before they go to the FOB. I'm not sure what the FOB is, but he's going to be there for a week. No phones in the FOB so no phone call this weekend like usual. Oh well, I'm only 13 days away from seeing him - closer to 12 now. It'll be here before I know it.
Ok, I'm probably going to get my ass out of this chair and wash my face and watch tv for awhile. Maybe I'll finally finish reading Wicked. Maybe not. Alright, goodnight folks.
S.
So, my other children. There is Kenneth who was supposedly a stutterer. He isn't. He is, however, a behavior problem as well. He's defiant and likes to test his boundaries. I have managed to keep him in check and I think build a relationship with him so he won't push me too far. Then there is Madison. He is 1/2 black, 1/2 white which means he's adorable. He loves to talk and talks a mile a minute. His language is delayed, but I almost think it's cultural and not really something that can or will be fixed. I also have one girl named Bethany who happens to only have one hand. Oh, and no one told me about that before the first day. She was adopted from China and has some language/artic. issues. She won't be mine next week tho, she's going to go with Kimbra to even out our groups. And last, but not least, is adorable Ethan. I love this kid. He's wide eyed and so smart. His parents recently split up and I think it's affecting him deep in his little heart. He has mentioned it a few times and I do my best to say the best things. I wish I could take him home. His mom is ok and I know he'll be ok, but I just love this kid. I need to take my camera before the end of the week and get pictures of everyone.
Well, now it's Friday and I'm doing nothing tonight. I'm actually probably going to bed soon. It's been a long week and all my work will start over again tomorrow. I also have a funeral early in the morning for my old boss who happens to also be my old Sunday school teacher. He's been really sick for awhile and he's not in pain anymore. So, I have to be up at 8 tomorrow to shower and be ready by 9:30. I'm ok with it, I'm tired anyway.
I haven't talked to Brian since Monday night. I was hoping I'd hear from him again before they go to the FOB. I'm not sure what the FOB is, but he's going to be there for a week. No phones in the FOB so no phone call this weekend like usual. Oh well, I'm only 13 days away from seeing him - closer to 12 now. It'll be here before I know it.
Ok, I'm probably going to get my ass out of this chair and wash my face and watch tv for awhile. Maybe I'll finally finish reading Wicked. Maybe not. Alright, goodnight folks.
S.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Elaboration.
So, today. *sigh*
I went to work today at 10 like normal and worked through lunch so I could leave at 2 instead of 3. I had a test tonight in my May Term class and I was going to study this afternoon after I got off work and ate a late lunch. At 1:15 when I'm counting down the minutes until I can leave and go home to eat, I get a text from Kimbra, my SLP buddy from school: "r u comin?"
WHAT?! COMING WHERE?
I knew where she was referring though. Speech Camp is next week and we were supposed to meet this week to go over things and start planning. The last thing I had known about the whole thing was that we were meeting the last 3 days of this week. Where or when was unknown to me. I even emailed Dr. Hill, my department head, today to find out details. So, when I got that text, I knew somehow, somewhere, the message had not reached me.
There I am at work. I haven't eaten since about 9:15 that morning and I'm so livid and expecting a confrontation that I'm shaking. I pack things up at work really fast and drive like a maniac across town and get there 40 minutes late. Now, let's not forget that I had a test to study for that I was also nervous about. The first test was a bit more challenging than I had expected so I needed to study for this one a bit better. Instead of studying, however, I'm famished sitting up at school trying to absorb all of this Speech Camp information into my brain that is not yet primed to receive said information. It was torture. Two hours of torture. She also insulted me a couple times like she is so apt to do. I'm too tired to go into that now tho. Oh well.
So then I come home, well I swing by Sonic first, and eat real quick and then spend about an hour making a big stack of notecards to study for my test. I study and go to school and take that dang test. I was the first one done and I think I did well. If I make and A, I'll be exempt from the final which will be a huuuge blessing and weight off my shoulders. I'll keep my fingers crossed and you can feel free to do the same. We then had lecture until 9 because we're going to finish the last unit tomorrow so we can have the option to take the final a day early - Thursday. So basically, if I make an A on the test I took tonight, I am finished with that class tomorrow night except for a film critique due by Friday night. I might actually pray about that one.
Well, here I am now. I'm home and tired - more like exhausted - after this long dreadful day. Tomorrow I am working 10-11:30, going up to school for Speech Camp stuff at noon until who knows and then I have class again at 6. Another looooooooong day. June 21st cannot come fast enough for more reasons than one.
I think I shall get myself off this computer now and into my pj's so I can watch some tv and get to bed. Goodnight world, give me sweet dreams tonight.
S.
I went to work today at 10 like normal and worked through lunch so I could leave at 2 instead of 3. I had a test tonight in my May Term class and I was going to study this afternoon after I got off work and ate a late lunch. At 1:15 when I'm counting down the minutes until I can leave and go home to eat, I get a text from Kimbra, my SLP buddy from school: "r u comin?"
WHAT?! COMING WHERE?
I knew where she was referring though. Speech Camp is next week and we were supposed to meet this week to go over things and start planning. The last thing I had known about the whole thing was that we were meeting the last 3 days of this week. Where or when was unknown to me. I even emailed Dr. Hill, my department head, today to find out details. So, when I got that text, I knew somehow, somewhere, the message had not reached me.
There I am at work. I haven't eaten since about 9:15 that morning and I'm so livid and expecting a confrontation that I'm shaking. I pack things up at work really fast and drive like a maniac across town and get there 40 minutes late. Now, let's not forget that I had a test to study for that I was also nervous about. The first test was a bit more challenging than I had expected so I needed to study for this one a bit better. Instead of studying, however, I'm famished sitting up at school trying to absorb all of this Speech Camp information into my brain that is not yet primed to receive said information. It was torture. Two hours of torture. She also insulted me a couple times like she is so apt to do. I'm too tired to go into that now tho. Oh well.
So then I come home, well I swing by Sonic first, and eat real quick and then spend about an hour making a big stack of notecards to study for my test. I study and go to school and take that dang test. I was the first one done and I think I did well. If I make and A, I'll be exempt from the final which will be a huuuge blessing and weight off my shoulders. I'll keep my fingers crossed and you can feel free to do the same. We then had lecture until 9 because we're going to finish the last unit tomorrow so we can have the option to take the final a day early - Thursday. So basically, if I make an A on the test I took tonight, I am finished with that class tomorrow night except for a film critique due by Friday night. I might actually pray about that one.
Well, here I am now. I'm home and tired - more like exhausted - after this long dreadful day. Tomorrow I am working 10-11:30, going up to school for Speech Camp stuff at noon until who knows and then I have class again at 6. Another looooooooong day. June 21st cannot come fast enough for more reasons than one.
I think I shall get myself off this computer now and into my pj's so I can watch some tv and get to bed. Goodnight world, give me sweet dreams tonight.
S.
Today:
Has been stressful and annoying and isn't even close to being over yet.
And I didn't get a letter.
Ugh.
S.
And I didn't get a letter.
Ugh.
S.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tiny Love.
A couple pics from the last few days:
Tiny all curled up on my nice striped/cloud/blue couch.
This makes me laugh. I Heart Tiny.Engagements, Weddings, Marriage, Etc.
I just discussed everything wedding with my mom for the last hour at least. It was a tad bit odd.
I have things to take care of such as my roommate's dog that has been in its crate for about 6 hours without a bathroom break and other such frivolous things. Ha.
Goodnight Moon. :-)
S.
I have things to take care of such as my roommate's dog that has been in its crate for about 6 hours without a bathroom break and other such frivolous things. Ha.
Goodnight Moon. :-)
S.
Pre- BBQ & Swimming/Tanning
I just got home from work. I have a truly love/hate relationship with work. I'll be glad when I'm done in December.
I'm going to my parents' house in a few minutes to eat some hamburgers and strawberry shortcakes and hopefully do some swimming - the first swim of the season for me! Tiny is coming with me as all of course. Maybe I can get him in the water. I'm a little nervous about that, thought, because he's a big puppy with more power than he knows. I know from swimming with my parents' dogs that they will claw you with no warning because they are trying to stay afloat. Well, I'm afraid of Tiny doing that. His claws hurt me enough on land.
I hate only talking to Brian one day a week. Well, I technically talked to him two days this week so maybe it's getting better. It's just hard. I talked to him for about 2 hours yesterday and it makes me have this false sense of being able to pick up the phone and call him when I'm driving home from work. I hate it. It always takes me a few days to get back to normal and then I start worrying that I don't need him. It's a constant battle. I should stop worrying and yo-yoing emotionally because everything is always right in the world when I finally do get to talk to him. I'm ready for this to be over.
I would just like to say that my house is essentially clean and it makes me sooo happy. It can get so claustrophobic with a 100-lb. puppy walking around. He would run into the tiniest bit of clutter just laying down on my floor. He's huge and it's really nice to have walking room to walk around him instead of having to step over him all the time.
Ok, I need to pack Tiny up as well as some food for him and get him and I to my parents' house for some burgers and pool time!! Thank God for days off from summer school.
S.
I'm going to my parents' house in a few minutes to eat some hamburgers and strawberry shortcakes and hopefully do some swimming - the first swim of the season for me! Tiny is coming with me as all of course. Maybe I can get him in the water. I'm a little nervous about that, thought, because he's a big puppy with more power than he knows. I know from swimming with my parents' dogs that they will claw you with no warning because they are trying to stay afloat. Well, I'm afraid of Tiny doing that. His claws hurt me enough on land.
I hate only talking to Brian one day a week. Well, I technically talked to him two days this week so maybe it's getting better. It's just hard. I talked to him for about 2 hours yesterday and it makes me have this false sense of being able to pick up the phone and call him when I'm driving home from work. I hate it. It always takes me a few days to get back to normal and then I start worrying that I don't need him. It's a constant battle. I should stop worrying and yo-yoing emotionally because everything is always right in the world when I finally do get to talk to him. I'm ready for this to be over.
I would just like to say that my house is essentially clean and it makes me sooo happy. It can get so claustrophobic with a 100-lb. puppy walking around. He would run into the tiniest bit of clutter just laying down on my floor. He's huge and it's really nice to have walking room to walk around him instead of having to step over him all the time.
Ok, I need to pack Tiny up as well as some food for him and get him and I to my parents' house for some burgers and pool time!! Thank God for days off from summer school.
S.
Memorial Day
Hey there. This is going to be quick because I'm already waaaay behind on getting ready for and getting to work.
My mom made one of these this morning so I figured I would too. Maybe I won't share it with anybody so I can write about anyone/everything I feel like.
I need to get ready for work. More later maybe.
24 Days.
-S
My mom made one of these this morning so I figured I would too. Maybe I won't share it with anybody so I can write about anyone/everything I feel like.
I need to get ready for work. More later maybe.
24 Days.
-S
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