Take Off.

I knew this was going to be hard. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to him much, but I guess I was expecting too much. His plane is supposed to take off for Kuwait in 21 minutes and I haven't talked to him since 2:45 - before they even left Fort Polk for Alexandria. I thought for sure we could talk until they took off, but as the clock winds down to 20:00 (8:00), I am losing hope. I guess this is where it all really begins. I'm not looking forward to the next year+, but I want it over ASAP.

It's hard to think about anything else but this, but there are other things going on in my life.

Make It & Take It is officially over. Kimbra and I "presented" our stuff to the Methods class this morning and, thankfully, Dr. Hill missed all but 2 minutes of it. I'm really proud of myself for finishing that and making some things that I may use again. Oh, and my felt board which isn't even a board was a big hit. I decided before I even made it that I wanted something more portable than a piece of wood covered in felt. I also wanted something more versatile. I remembered in speech camp how the felt bears would easily fall off Jackie's felt board and I began to wonder if felt would stick better to something like flannal. All of these thoughts led to my final creation which was a sheet of black felt glued to a sheet of white fleece and then pink ribbon glued around the edges to finish it off. It was pretty dang amazing if I do say so myself, but I was always nervous that Chill would find some fault with it simply because it was mine and it was innovative. To my utter shock and amazement, she loved it and has been praising it to anyone who may listen or benefit from it. I really wouldn't be surprised if every felt board that came out of HSU from now on resembles mine. As long as she gives me credit...

I only have 6 more hours of observing to do in the next 6 business days. I could probably stretch it to 7 if I'm desperate, but I should be able to bust it out tomorrow and next Tuesday. I'll be up at the rehab center at Hendrick all day tomorrow: Out-Patient in the AM and In-Patient in the PM. I called Helen today (In-Patient contact person) and she seemed kind of odd...I'll let you know.

I graduate in 15 days...less since my ceremony is at 10 AM. How weird. It sucks that Brian won't be there. It also sucks that none of my extended family will be there either. I thought for sure my grandparents would make it, but it seems it's getting to that point where if we want to see them, we must go there. Bummer.

13 minutes to take off.

I'm glad I finally really, truly see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I still have work to do, papers to write, books to read, but I don't really care any more. I just want to get there...somehow, someway.

11 minutes.

I'm worried after I graduate and quit my job that all human peer contact I have will cease. I'm nervous I really won't have any friends. I'm a sucky friend alot of the time, but I know I'm going to need plans sometimes, just so I can have a reason to get dressed and something to look forward to. I really hope I'm strong enough because everything seems really overwhelming sometimes.

9 minutes.

My life has become to different. I am still figuring out what being married is. I like it, I love Brian, but my life often revolves around dating and guys and now my love is a world away and I'm alone. I'm not saying I want to look elsewhere...but I'm just not sure how my social world will be structured. I will soon be out of school for the first time since I was 5. I'm ready for a break, but what will I do without homework, expectations, and learning? I hope I am motivated enough to keep learning even when it is not mandatory. I am going to move back in with my parents. I haven't even stayed with them longer than a couple months after a bad breakup in over 3 years. I hope I can have patience and compassion for everyone so that we all get along. I have to pack up my house. The thought alone gives me a headache. (6 minutes) I don't even know where to begin, or even how to move. I have never moved a house before. When I moved in, I hardly had anything so it wasn't really like moving. I had some furniture but everything came in bits and pieces...I don't even really remember it. I have accumulated tons of stuff in the last few years and I probably need to throw alot of it away before it ends up in a box. One day at a time...

I got my invite to Molly's wedding on Jan. 12th. It was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Brian Ivy - our first joint invitation. Obviously he won't be able to attend so I guess I'm going alone. I hate that I haven't kept in touch with anyone and that I'm incredibly antisocial to the point that I'm not sure if I could survive a reception. I need to be there tho. I love her, and I'm happy for her. Plus, Molly and Leslie are my two favorite friends in my entire life. I remember our years together so fondly.

3 minutes.

I wish I had more time so I could get Christmas shopping done. I have more people to buy for due to the unexpected nuptuals so I'm stressing a little bit.

It's now 2 minutes to take off and I can't even focus to write anything else. I wonder how long the flight is. I wonder where he is, how he's feeling. I bet he's scared. And feeling shitty because we never spoke again.

1 minute.

I hope he knows I love him more than anything can describe. I hope he knows I'm thinking about him and that I'm proud of him. I hope he knows I miss him.

20:00...8:00 PM.

Be safe, my love. See you soon.

S.