Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Some Thoughts.
I just finished an animated discussion with Keith about politics that was preceded by viewing the last hour of the HC/BO debate on MSNBC. I have chosen to be blissfully ignorant about what is happening on a daily basis in Iraq and well the Middle East as a whole. I am, however, following the Democratic primary more than I've ever followed any election. I am genuinely trying to listen to the positions of all the potential candidates and make a wise decision. I am finding how difficult it is to be a responsible voting American. I have realized that in order to make a wise decision, I have to look long and hard within myself and analyze my personal opinions and positions on all political issues. I am struggling with this more than anything. I have been passive throughout my short adulthood -- maybe even ignorant. I admit that I voted for GWB in the last presidential election mostly because I felt loyal to him as a fellow Texan and because I thought JK looked like a horse. In retrospect, I believe that I voted with the vocal majority in Texas. If everyone else thought it was the right thing to do, who was I to argue? I voted, but I didn't feel like my vote really counted. It still probably doesn't since I live in a ridiculously Republican state, but I can at least be educated and feel good that my vote was cast wisely. I am about 80% sure that I agree with BO's vision for the future. I am not counting JMc out though. I am waiting for the primaries to be over so I can focus on the two presidential candidates.
I am beginning to think that deployments are hardest on those left behind. We have to be strong for them, for ourselves, and for everyone around us. We have to put on a smile and make everyone believe we are a-ok. We have to bite our tongues when we want to ask unanswerable questions. We have to make do with little to no information. We have to maintain our marriages/relationships in our minds, on our own. We have to make do without the support of our other halves. We have to take care of all the bills, phone calls, and errands. We have to find the missing insurance card. We have to send copies of the POA to everyone we deal with. We have to sleep in the middle of a too-big bed. And we don't even get care packages.
Sometimes I want so desperately to have a normal conversation with my husband. I want his opinions, I want his support, I want his loving words. We spoke everyday for almost a year and now I'm not sure when the last time we had a decent conversation was. I try incredibly hard to be everything he needs me to be, but I'm missing my best friend more everyday. I didn't notice it for quite some time. Being separated was so reminiscent of boot camp for the first 2ish months and then it hit like a ton of bricks. At boot camp I got a phone call almost every Sunday. Then at AIT I talked to him every single freaking day pretty much. This is nothing like boot camp anymore. I don't get a phone call every Sunday. I get phone calls from weird numbers every few days with questionable connections. We can't speak candidly like we used to. Sometimes he's extra tired or a little down and there's nothing I can do. I miss him more than he knows, more than I understand, more than anyone can tell. My heart is missing.
Please Lord, let him, let us survive this. Let this experience make our young marriage stronger. Let our love for each other grow with time, trials, and separation. Keep him safe and keep his mind keen and sharp. Keep his spirits up and give him hope. Give me patience, understanding, and overall sanity. Guide me. Thank you. Amen.
Yes, I just prayed in a blog. I'm turning Protestant. Not.
S.
P.S. Happy Half-Birthday To Me!
I am beginning to think that deployments are hardest on those left behind. We have to be strong for them, for ourselves, and for everyone around us. We have to put on a smile and make everyone believe we are a-ok. We have to bite our tongues when we want to ask unanswerable questions. We have to make do with little to no information. We have to maintain our marriages/relationships in our minds, on our own. We have to make do without the support of our other halves. We have to take care of all the bills, phone calls, and errands. We have to find the missing insurance card. We have to send copies of the POA to everyone we deal with. We have to sleep in the middle of a too-big bed. And we don't even get care packages.
Sometimes I want so desperately to have a normal conversation with my husband. I want his opinions, I want his support, I want his loving words. We spoke everyday for almost a year and now I'm not sure when the last time we had a decent conversation was. I try incredibly hard to be everything he needs me to be, but I'm missing my best friend more everyday. I didn't notice it for quite some time. Being separated was so reminiscent of boot camp for the first 2ish months and then it hit like a ton of bricks. At boot camp I got a phone call almost every Sunday. Then at AIT I talked to him every single freaking day pretty much. This is nothing like boot camp anymore. I don't get a phone call every Sunday. I get phone calls from weird numbers every few days with questionable connections. We can't speak candidly like we used to. Sometimes he's extra tired or a little down and there's nothing I can do. I miss him more than he knows, more than I understand, more than anyone can tell. My heart is missing.
Please Lord, let him, let us survive this. Let this experience make our young marriage stronger. Let our love for each other grow with time, trials, and separation. Keep him safe and keep his mind keen and sharp. Keep his spirits up and give him hope. Give me patience, understanding, and overall sanity. Guide me. Thank you. Amen.
Yes, I just prayed in a blog. I'm turning Protestant. Not.
S.
P.S. Happy Half-Birthday To Me!
Happy/Sad
Brian just called and sounded unusually down. He said he is ok, but I think it's really starting to get to him. He hasn't even had time to read my vday card...or that's what he said anyway. I'm worried about him, I hope he's ok, I hope we're ok. *sigh*
S.
S.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Smoke is nasty.
Watching: Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA.
I went out last night. Crystal invited me to go bowling and Shannon came with. I came in 2nd out of 6 people with a score of 116 I believe. I only bowled 2 gutter balls. I met Crystal's boyfriend, Dusty. I think he's right for her and I can tell she really likes him. That being said, he's completely not my type in any way. I'm not even sure if I would be friends with him. He didn't try to be friendly with me. He wasn't mean, but he didn't try. Maybe he's shy. It was also weird how Crystal and her 3 friends would talk to each other around the pitcher of beer and didn't really include Shannon and I all that much. I'm really thankful that Shannon went with me, because I can imagine the bowling being much more awkward if I went solo.
After bowling, Shannon and I went to Chase's house because they were celebrating his birthday a couple days early. He had texted me earlier to tell me to come. I hadn't seen him in months so I figured I'd stop by. So, Chase basically lives in the GHETTO. I avoid the ghetto after dark (before dark too!), but we braved it. It was freezing in Chase's house and I was drinking ice water from Sonic. My teeth were basically chattering all night. Brian Evans was in town. I haven't seen him in years! He's all married now and still funny as ever. Kailea was there too. She's still fat as ever. She was wearing a skin tight sweatshirt...so horrifying.
We left there around 12 and headed to Cabaret, a bar on Butternut. Crystal and company were there. Apparently they don't believe in being law-abiding because minors were drinking and everyone was smoking. I had forgotten how nasty you feel when you go home smelling like cigarettes that you didn't smoke (not that I've ever smoked, but you know what I mean...). We sat with them til 1 when we bounced. I was sooo exhausted. I took Shan home, come home and passed out til 11 this morning.
Mom and I went to the Bridal Extravaganza today at the Civic Center. Total. Disappointment. It was packed with people - alot of them I knew - and I had already researched most of the vendors. The only good thing was that I got to meet the photographer I want to use. She was really nice and accomodating. I saw Aimee Tucker there - not that we spoke - and she looked like shit. Bad pink dress with heels and ratty hair. I guess some things don't change.
I've had to pee for about an hour, and I think it's almost to the point of being painful.
S.
I went out last night. Crystal invited me to go bowling and Shannon came with. I came in 2nd out of 6 people with a score of 116 I believe. I only bowled 2 gutter balls. I met Crystal's boyfriend, Dusty. I think he's right for her and I can tell she really likes him. That being said, he's completely not my type in any way. I'm not even sure if I would be friends with him. He didn't try to be friendly with me. He wasn't mean, but he didn't try. Maybe he's shy. It was also weird how Crystal and her 3 friends would talk to each other around the pitcher of beer and didn't really include Shannon and I all that much. I'm really thankful that Shannon went with me, because I can imagine the bowling being much more awkward if I went solo.
After bowling, Shannon and I went to Chase's house because they were celebrating his birthday a couple days early. He had texted me earlier to tell me to come. I hadn't seen him in months so I figured I'd stop by. So, Chase basically lives in the GHETTO. I avoid the ghetto after dark (before dark too!), but we braved it. It was freezing in Chase's house and I was drinking ice water from Sonic. My teeth were basically chattering all night. Brian Evans was in town. I haven't seen him in years! He's all married now and still funny as ever. Kailea was there too. She's still fat as ever. She was wearing a skin tight sweatshirt...so horrifying.
We left there around 12 and headed to Cabaret, a bar on Butternut. Crystal and company were there. Apparently they don't believe in being law-abiding because minors were drinking and everyone was smoking. I had forgotten how nasty you feel when you go home smelling like cigarettes that you didn't smoke (not that I've ever smoked, but you know what I mean...). We sat with them til 1 when we bounced. I was sooo exhausted. I took Shan home, come home and passed out til 11 this morning.
Mom and I went to the Bridal Extravaganza today at the Civic Center. Total. Disappointment. It was packed with people - alot of them I knew - and I had already researched most of the vendors. The only good thing was that I got to meet the photographer I want to use. She was really nice and accomodating. I saw Aimee Tucker there - not that we spoke - and she looked like shit. Bad pink dress with heels and ratty hair. I guess some things don't change.
I've had to pee for about an hour, and I think it's almost to the point of being painful.
S.
10 REASONS THE TSHA CONVENTION WAS MEMORABLE:
1. ALOT of SLPs don't know how to dress.
2. Man Coat.
3. Peeing in a usually-men's restroom.
4. Jay-walking.
5. Purple TV.
6. Winning a door prize.
7. Fort Sam's horrible gate guards.
8. Texting Brian all day on Thursday.
9. Walking long distances in bad shoes.
10. Spending 72 hours with Mom.
2. Man Coat.
3. Peeing in a usually-men's restroom.
4. Jay-walking.
5. Purple TV.
6. Winning a door prize.
7. Fort Sam's horrible gate guards.
8. Texting Brian all day on Thursday.
9. Walking long distances in bad shoes.
10. Spending 72 hours with Mom.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Shit!
This copied from an email I sent to Brian:
"It rained/sleeted/hailed all last night and this morning but started to clear up around lunch time so we all packed up to go to my house to pack and stuff. I put Tiny in his crate cause no one was home and we were gone about 2 hours. When Mom and I got home, Tiny greeted us at the door followed shortly by that distinct smell of shit. OMG Brian, he shit EVERYWHERE. Not just in one room everywhere but across the whole house everywhere. It wasn’t nice solid shit either, it was the wonderful runny kind that plops on the floor like mud. There was at least one plop in every single room that he could get to. Most of it was concentrated in the kitchen and the living room. There was a line of shit making a half circle around the couch in the living room. There was another half circle in the kitchen. He even went in my bathroom and left a couple plops in there on the rug. He left two by the couch in the den and another one at my parents’ bedroom door. Everywhere. It was so incredible that I was laughing. You know how laughing is closely related to crying…yeah, I laughed instead of cried. My parents and I spent TWO hours cleaning. So, basically, he somehow escaped his crate. My dad thinks he just pushed so hard on the door that it bent out and rendered the latch useless. When we got home, Tiny went immediately into the backyard and kept jumping on the back door which was pissing my mom off even further. I went out back and locked him in the side yard where the other dogs used to live. Later, while Dad was outside cleaning the crate, I was cleaning shit near the French doors in my room and saw his legs walk by and thought Dad let him out. I went outside and asked Dad, and of course, he had no let Tiny out. I investigate and he has broken a picket on the gate and escaped through that. So, now I’m standing in the backyard having no clue what to do with the freaking dog. He doesn’t have a crate, he can’t jump on the door anymore (Mom had cleaned it 15 minutes before this), and he definitely wasn’t coming in without a bath. Dad finally dragged the crate in the backyard and Tiny got into it and was subsequently hosed off by Dad before coming in for a bath in the tub. So, in one 4 hours period Tiny escaped his crate, shit everywhere, and escaped from a gated enclosure. WTF?!! It’s moments like these that he is YOUR dog. My mom was so mad and I felt so guilty. I know it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, that it just happened, but I feel terrible for bringing this dog into my parents house that shits everywhere and ruins their evening. Oh and after we cleaned up the shit Mom and I mopped the entire house that is mop-able. I did all the wood floors and Mom did the eating area and my bedroom. I bet a million bucks I’m sore tomorrow. I can even feel it starting. Don’t you wish you were here to clean up shit for 2 hours?! There’s at least one silver lining of being so far away from home."
*sigh*
S.
"It rained/sleeted/hailed all last night and this morning but started to clear up around lunch time so we all packed up to go to my house to pack and stuff. I put Tiny in his crate cause no one was home and we were gone about 2 hours. When Mom and I got home, Tiny greeted us at the door followed shortly by that distinct smell of shit. OMG Brian, he shit EVERYWHERE. Not just in one room everywhere but across the whole house everywhere. It wasn’t nice solid shit either, it was the wonderful runny kind that plops on the floor like mud. There was at least one plop in every single room that he could get to. Most of it was concentrated in the kitchen and the living room. There was a line of shit making a half circle around the couch in the living room. There was another half circle in the kitchen. He even went in my bathroom and left a couple plops in there on the rug. He left two by the couch in the den and another one at my parents’ bedroom door. Everywhere. It was so incredible that I was laughing. You know how laughing is closely related to crying…yeah, I laughed instead of cried. My parents and I spent TWO hours cleaning. So, basically, he somehow escaped his crate. My dad thinks he just pushed so hard on the door that it bent out and rendered the latch useless. When we got home, Tiny went immediately into the backyard and kept jumping on the back door which was pissing my mom off even further. I went out back and locked him in the side yard where the other dogs used to live. Later, while Dad was outside cleaning the crate, I was cleaning shit near the French doors in my room and saw his legs walk by and thought Dad let him out. I went outside and asked Dad, and of course, he had no let Tiny out. I investigate and he has broken a picket on the gate and escaped through that. So, now I’m standing in the backyard having no clue what to do with the freaking dog. He doesn’t have a crate, he can’t jump on the door anymore (Mom had cleaned it 15 minutes before this), and he definitely wasn’t coming in without a bath. Dad finally dragged the crate in the backyard and Tiny got into it and was subsequently hosed off by Dad before coming in for a bath in the tub. So, in one 4 hours period Tiny escaped his crate, shit everywhere, and escaped from a gated enclosure. WTF?!! It’s moments like these that he is YOUR dog. My mom was so mad and I felt so guilty. I know it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, that it just happened, but I feel terrible for bringing this dog into my parents house that shits everywhere and ruins their evening. Oh and after we cleaned up the shit Mom and I mopped the entire house that is mop-able. I did all the wood floors and Mom did the eating area and my bedroom. I bet a million bucks I’m sore tomorrow. I can even feel it starting. Don’t you wish you were here to clean up shit for 2 hours?! There’s at least one silver lining of being so far away from home."
*sigh*
S.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Winter Weather
It's official: Abilene is freezing.
Seriously though, it's 30 degrees right now and it's been precipitating on and off for hours. I haven't left the house all day. I'm in the middle of my 3rd movie. Overall, a gloriously boring day.
I signed up for Blockbuster All-Access tonight. This means I'll be getting DVDs delivered to the house for $12/mo. I'm pretty excited about this. Hopefully I'll get a good movie in the mailbox soon.
i got a big envelope in the mail today that looked like the big envelope Keith got with his old passport in it. I had no idea what it could be and when I opened it, my birth certificate was in there. I have no idea how this got out of my possession or where it has been. I know I brought it with me to get my passport, but I'm 99% sure I got it back and returned it to the envelope that houses my marriage license. Maybe I dropped it or accidentally left it and some good Samaritan made sure it was returned to me. I'm rather grateful for this because if I ever needed it - which I'm sure I would at some point - I would have had to contact the state of New York and figure out how to go about getting a replacement. So, thank you to whoever was kind enough to make sure my birth certificate was returned!
I'm watching Daredevil that I taped off of FX earlier. It's a little...heavy and dark. I think I might need to follow it up with a rom-com of some kind so I won't have nightmares about leather-clad comic book heroes.
I'm still stressing over the whole job thing. I keep feeling like there is a perfect job for me out there that I just haven't thought of yet. I want a job that is understanding and flexible about Brian being deployed. I want a job that I enjoy for both the work and the people. I want a job that pays well and gives me some sort of credit for completing my under-grad degree.
I was also looking at the calendar earlier and by the time I finish training at JCP it will be March. If Brian really still comes home in April, I'll only be working at JCP for a month by then. Should I just wait? I don't know what to do. I go back and forth all the time.
Brian and I have been together for 20 months or 1 year and 8 months tomorrow (the 17th). I almost didn't realize. We will be married for 5 months on Thursday the 21st. Time flies. Ha.
Today was payday for Brian. I went to check to see how much he got and make sure it went in correctly and noticed that yesterday a random $1,000 was put in his account. I think it's from the military, but I haven't a clue why. Good thing I'm not planning on spending it on anything in case it was a mistake.
I filed our taxes today too. We should be getting $4,015 back. I'm pretty sure it's every single dollar either of us paid in taxes this year. We'll just add that to the nearly 10k already residing in the bank. We're just putting away a nice little nest egg while Brian's gone!
Alright, I'm out.
S.
Seriously though, it's 30 degrees right now and it's been precipitating on and off for hours. I haven't left the house all day. I'm in the middle of my 3rd movie. Overall, a gloriously boring day.
I signed up for Blockbuster All-Access tonight. This means I'll be getting DVDs delivered to the house for $12/mo. I'm pretty excited about this. Hopefully I'll get a good movie in the mailbox soon.
i got a big envelope in the mail today that looked like the big envelope Keith got with his old passport in it. I had no idea what it could be and when I opened it, my birth certificate was in there. I have no idea how this got out of my possession or where it has been. I know I brought it with me to get my passport, but I'm 99% sure I got it back and returned it to the envelope that houses my marriage license. Maybe I dropped it or accidentally left it and some good Samaritan made sure it was returned to me. I'm rather grateful for this because if I ever needed it - which I'm sure I would at some point - I would have had to contact the state of New York and figure out how to go about getting a replacement. So, thank you to whoever was kind enough to make sure my birth certificate was returned!
I'm watching Daredevil that I taped off of FX earlier. It's a little...heavy and dark. I think I might need to follow it up with a rom-com of some kind so I won't have nightmares about leather-clad comic book heroes.
I'm still stressing over the whole job thing. I keep feeling like there is a perfect job for me out there that I just haven't thought of yet. I want a job that is understanding and flexible about Brian being deployed. I want a job that I enjoy for both the work and the people. I want a job that pays well and gives me some sort of credit for completing my under-grad degree.
I was also looking at the calendar earlier and by the time I finish training at JCP it will be March. If Brian really still comes home in April, I'll only be working at JCP for a month by then. Should I just wait? I don't know what to do. I go back and forth all the time.
Brian and I have been together for 20 months or 1 year and 8 months tomorrow (the 17th). I almost didn't realize. We will be married for 5 months on Thursday the 21st. Time flies. Ha.
Today was payday for Brian. I went to check to see how much he got and make sure it went in correctly and noticed that yesterday a random $1,000 was put in his account. I think it's from the military, but I haven't a clue why. Good thing I'm not planning on spending it on anything in case it was a mistake.
I filed our taxes today too. We should be getting $4,015 back. I'm pretty sure it's every single dollar either of us paid in taxes this year. We'll just add that to the nearly 10k already residing in the bank. We're just putting away a nice little nest egg while Brian's gone!
Alright, I'm out.
S.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I hate thinking of titles.
I definitely run hot and cold with this whole blog thing. I have alot to update on.
1. I know more about the IED incidents in Iraq. There were two seperate incidents within 12 hours. The first one involved 4 guys. They were all treated for concussions or mild TBIs. The second one involved 2 guys - one was Brian's good friend. Brian's friend was the most seriously injured. He took shrapnel to his arm and was flown to Germany for treatment. They expect him to return to duty at a later date, but not much is known beyond that. Brian took it kinda hard, but I think he's doing ok.
2. Because of the IED incidents, Brian was at the FOB for a few days earlier than expected. I finally got around to hooking up the free webcam Brian got a couple months ago. The first night he could hear and see me, but I couldn't hear/see him because he didn't have a webcam. I gave him explicit instructions to find one and he came through. The next day we talked from 8a-5p my time on the computer with webcams. He looked super hot and really good. I'm so thankful for that opportunity. It made things a little bit easier to see his pretty face.
3. I had an interview at JCPenny yesterday. I think it went well. I haven't heard anything either way yet, so I guess we'll see. There's a large part of me that doesn't want the job. I'm kinda taking it as a sign. If I get it, I'll try it. If I don't get it, someone upstairs is trying to tell me something. I'm trying not to think about it.
4. I finally baked Brian a batch of cookies and got them out in the mail. I actually got rid of everything I had for him so now I need to start brainstorming new things to buy/make for him.
5. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I hate V-Day. I think it's a retarded holiday and I'm not overly sad that Brian is not here for it. It'll just be another day.
That's all for now.
S.
1. I know more about the IED incidents in Iraq. There were two seperate incidents within 12 hours. The first one involved 4 guys. They were all treated for concussions or mild TBIs. The second one involved 2 guys - one was Brian's good friend. Brian's friend was the most seriously injured. He took shrapnel to his arm and was flown to Germany for treatment. They expect him to return to duty at a later date, but not much is known beyond that. Brian took it kinda hard, but I think he's doing ok.
2. Because of the IED incidents, Brian was at the FOB for a few days earlier than expected. I finally got around to hooking up the free webcam Brian got a couple months ago. The first night he could hear and see me, but I couldn't hear/see him because he didn't have a webcam. I gave him explicit instructions to find one and he came through. The next day we talked from 8a-5p my time on the computer with webcams. He looked super hot and really good. I'm so thankful for that opportunity. It made things a little bit easier to see his pretty face.
3. I had an interview at JCPenny yesterday. I think it went well. I haven't heard anything either way yet, so I guess we'll see. There's a large part of me that doesn't want the job. I'm kinda taking it as a sign. If I get it, I'll try it. If I don't get it, someone upstairs is trying to tell me something. I'm trying not to think about it.
4. I finally baked Brian a batch of cookies and got them out in the mail. I actually got rid of everything I had for him so now I need to start brainstorming new things to buy/make for him.
5. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I hate V-Day. I think it's a retarded holiday and I'm not overly sad that Brian is not here for it. It'll just be another day.
That's all for now.
S.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
record.
I got one of those "_#_ men have been injured/killed in Alpha/Bravo/Charlie company. Their families have been notified. Do you have any questions?" phone calls today. It's the second one since Brian has been gone. Luckily neither one had the killed option circled, but we're up to 8 non-life-threatening injuried so far. Today's call broke the news of 6 (six) injuries - 4 yesterday and 2 today. It's easy for me to bury my head in the sand - in more ways than one - and avoid the reality of what is going on, but it's happening. It doesn't seem real sometimes. I like to pretend Brian's just gone somewhere...somewhere not scary or dangerous. The mind is a crazy thing that can rationalize anything. My mind has made it so that I haven't cried. My mind has convinced me that it will be ok, that Brian will be ok. Even as I write that, I'm not moved to tears because I have convinced myself that well. On one hand I'm glad I have that ability, because I am able to at least appear strong and survive these long months. On the other hand, however, I feel like I'm not feeling anything. Everything is dulled. It's almost like I've medicated myself - within my brain - into a haze of muddy emotions.
I also haven't heard from Brian in 6 complete days. That is our new record.
S.
I also haven't heard from Brian in 6 complete days. That is our new record.
S.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Giants WIN!!!!
I want to record this so that I will never forget it. I want to be able to read this one day and remember how I have been made to feel. I am disappointed, hurt, and angry because of my sister-in-law. I'm upset with the whole in-law clan, but right now I'm mainly upset with SIL. I haven't heard a word from her in weeks. She's been in town the last two weekends and apparently doesn't want to see me. She went out last night with one of her friends and I haven't gotten a phone call much less an invite. I'm here living without my husband and all she cares about is her new boyfriend. What is wrong with people? I'm not asking for much, I'm just asking for a phone call. Dammit people. I'm sick of them and I'm sick of feeling like this. The next 13 months cannot go by fast enough so I can stop dealing with it and let Brian handle it. I hope I get to the point soon where I stop getting hurt by their lack of actions. I hope I get to that point really really soon. It's hard enough dealing with everything else that's going on, I don't need to feel like this on top of it all.
In other news: the GIANTS won the superbowl!
Score: 17-14.
Losers: New Englant Patriots.
The Pats were supposed to win by two touchdowns to clinch their perfect 19-0 season. What a phenomenal upset!
S.
In other news: the GIANTS won the superbowl!
Score: 17-14.
Losers: New Englant Patriots.
The Pats were supposed to win by two touchdowns to clinch their perfect 19-0 season. What a phenomenal upset!
S.
My Husband is in Iraq.
I'm having one of those oh-my-gosh-it-is-so-long-until-Brian-gets-home moments. Generally I just deal with each day, each minute as it comes. I really try not to think about the 13 months until Brian will be home "for good". I just watched an episode of True Life on MTV called True Life: My Husband is in Iraq. It really hit home. I watched an 18 year old girl get married before her Marine husband deployed to Iraq (for a measly 6 months). I watched another wife who is living in Watertown and raising a young son that her husband doesn't know. The further I get into this deployment, the more I am amazed and in awe of all the women who go through this. It is something that no one else could understand. When I let myself think about it all, I feel very overwhelmed. My husband is in a war zone. He could die. I could be a widow. I can't call him. He can hardly call me. I will see him for 14 days in the year 2008. That's 14 days out of 366. Let me do the math. That's 3.825% of the year. The other 96+% I will be alone and living phone call to phone call and email to email.
I'm struggling alot with my emotions. I have never experienced anything like this and I sometimes wonder if my usual coping methods aren't up to snuff. I think I tend to bottle my emotions up and eventually they dissipate or the problem goes away. This deployment, though, is too much to bottle up. I just wish I knew how to handle it or how to express it. I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter what I do it will never be ok. I could take up a million hobbies, work 4 jobs, surround myself with friends constantly and I would still always feel alone and like an emotional basketcase. I totally underestimated the toll that this would take on me and on every relationship I have with every person in my life.
I still wish I could fall asleep and wake up in a year.
S.
I'm struggling alot with my emotions. I have never experienced anything like this and I sometimes wonder if my usual coping methods aren't up to snuff. I think I tend to bottle my emotions up and eventually they dissipate or the problem goes away. This deployment, though, is too much to bottle up. I just wish I knew how to handle it or how to express it. I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter what I do it will never be ok. I could take up a million hobbies, work 4 jobs, surround myself with friends constantly and I would still always feel alone and like an emotional basketcase. I totally underestimated the toll that this would take on me and on every relationship I have with every person in my life.
I still wish I could fall asleep and wake up in a year.
S.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
TTFN Class 5A.
I'm really tired of the Bye Bye Birdie commercials on tv.
Today was a really...unique day.
Cooper is officially 4A. I'm surprisingly ok with it. I'm glad that they will have a fresh chance against new opponents next year. I'm also glad that they can get the hell away from a-low.
I was awake from 4:30 until 8 this morning talking to Brian on AIM. I tried to go back to sleep, but I had some trouble getting back to sleep. At 10 Shannon texted me about going to lunch which woke me up and then around 11 Keith got up and announce rather loudly that Cooper was 4A so I was awake again. I fell asleep for like 45 more minutes until Brian called me on an illegal cell phone around noon. I was supposed to get up at noon anyway to shower before lunch with Shan, but that didn't happen. I talked to Brian for 30 minutes and then threw myself together.
I went to lunch with Shannon and we sat there for 2 or 3 hours talking and catching up. I haven't seen her in about a month and she's always full of drama and gossip. It amazes me how young she is and how lost she is. I talk to her and I am overwhelmed with this feeling that she is confused and doesn't really know who she is. She always manages to "date" losers who may or may not have high school diplomas and who sure as hell aren't in college. They inevitably cheat on her or blow her off. I haven't felt like I could really say anything or give her my signature tough love advice yet. Maybe I can eventually, but as of now I just listen to her and hope that she'll find her way.
I applied at Penney's today. I'm trying not to think about it because if I do I get really nervous and anxious. I have enough anxiety and fear without dwelling on it more than necessary. Keith said I should hear something in a few days so we'll see.
Sal and I went to Logan's for drinks and appetizers tonight. I had my fav melon flavored frozen drink, some chips w/ queso and the cutest little brownie dessert in a miniature pail. We had alot of fun and convinced some of Sal's McM friends that he is indeed straight. I remember when I wasn't sure about him. I really didn't like him very much at first, but we get along famously now and he's been really great about trying to include me in things from time to time. He's a good egg...and a saint for dealing with Keith.
Brian gave me the green light to start the process of buying a new car. Right now we're looking at a Pontiac G6 convertible. I'm pretty sure they still have some 07s on the lots around here that we might be able to get for a steal. One of these days I'll get Dad to go on a car field trip. I really want to test drive it and see how I feel in it since I'll be driving it the most. I also would need to find out about financing and insurance. It'll be a process, that's for sure.
Goodnight.
S.
Today was a really...unique day.
Cooper is officially 4A. I'm surprisingly ok with it. I'm glad that they will have a fresh chance against new opponents next year. I'm also glad that they can get the hell away from a-low.
I was awake from 4:30 until 8 this morning talking to Brian on AIM. I tried to go back to sleep, but I had some trouble getting back to sleep. At 10 Shannon texted me about going to lunch which woke me up and then around 11 Keith got up and announce rather loudly that Cooper was 4A so I was awake again. I fell asleep for like 45 more minutes until Brian called me on an illegal cell phone around noon. I was supposed to get up at noon anyway to shower before lunch with Shan, but that didn't happen. I talked to Brian for 30 minutes and then threw myself together.
I went to lunch with Shannon and we sat there for 2 or 3 hours talking and catching up. I haven't seen her in about a month and she's always full of drama and gossip. It amazes me how young she is and how lost she is. I talk to her and I am overwhelmed with this feeling that she is confused and doesn't really know who she is. She always manages to "date" losers who may or may not have high school diplomas and who sure as hell aren't in college. They inevitably cheat on her or blow her off. I haven't felt like I could really say anything or give her my signature tough love advice yet. Maybe I can eventually, but as of now I just listen to her and hope that she'll find her way.
I applied at Penney's today. I'm trying not to think about it because if I do I get really nervous and anxious. I have enough anxiety and fear without dwelling on it more than necessary. Keith said I should hear something in a few days so we'll see.
Sal and I went to Logan's for drinks and appetizers tonight. I had my fav melon flavored frozen drink, some chips w/ queso and the cutest little brownie dessert in a miniature pail. We had alot of fun and convinced some of Sal's McM friends that he is indeed straight. I remember when I wasn't sure about him. I really didn't like him very much at first, but we get along famously now and he's been really great about trying to include me in things from time to time. He's a good egg...and a saint for dealing with Keith.
Brian gave me the green light to start the process of buying a new car. Right now we're looking at a Pontiac G6 convertible. I'm pretty sure they still have some 07s on the lots around here that we might be able to get for a steal. One of these days I'll get Dad to go on a car field trip. I really want to test drive it and see how I feel in it since I'll be driving it the most. I also would need to find out about financing and insurance. It'll be a process, that's for sure.
Goodnight.
S.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Early.
Please note the time I am posting this. I was awakened at 4:30 by the hubby beckoning me to the computer for some early morning chatting. I am supposed to go to the gym with Mom in less than 4 hours, but I may be putting that off again in the name of sleep. Sorry Mom...blame it on Brian.
S.
S.
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