Some Thoughts.

I just finished an animated discussion with Keith about politics that was preceded by viewing the last hour of the HC/BO debate on MSNBC. I have chosen to be blissfully ignorant about what is happening on a daily basis in Iraq and well the Middle East as a whole. I am, however, following the Democratic primary more than I've ever followed any election. I am genuinely trying to listen to the positions of all the potential candidates and make a wise decision. I am finding how difficult it is to be a responsible voting American. I have realized that in order to make a wise decision, I have to look long and hard within myself and analyze my personal opinions and positions on all political issues. I am struggling with this more than anything. I have been passive throughout my short adulthood -- maybe even ignorant. I admit that I voted for GWB in the last presidential election mostly because I felt loyal to him as a fellow Texan and because I thought JK looked like a horse. In retrospect, I believe that I voted with the vocal majority in Texas. If everyone else thought it was the right thing to do, who was I to argue? I voted, but I didn't feel like my vote really counted. It still probably doesn't since I live in a ridiculously Republican state, but I can at least be educated and feel good that my vote was cast wisely. I am about 80% sure that I agree with BO's vision for the future. I am not counting JMc out though. I am waiting for the primaries to be over so I can focus on the two presidential candidates.

I am beginning to think that deployments are hardest on those left behind. We have to be strong for them, for ourselves, and for everyone around us. We have to put on a smile and make everyone believe we are a-ok. We have to bite our tongues when we want to ask unanswerable questions. We have to make do with little to no information. We have to maintain our marriages/relationships in our minds, on our own. We have to make do without the support of our other halves. We have to take care of all the bills, phone calls, and errands. We have to find the missing insurance card. We have to send copies of the POA to everyone we deal with. We have to sleep in the middle of a too-big bed. And we don't even get care packages.

Sometimes I want so desperately to have a normal conversation with my husband. I want his opinions, I want his support, I want his loving words. We spoke everyday for almost a year and now I'm not sure when the last time we had a decent conversation was. I try incredibly hard to be everything he needs me to be, but I'm missing my best friend more everyday. I didn't notice it for quite some time. Being separated was so reminiscent of boot camp for the first 2ish months and then it hit like a ton of bricks. At boot camp I got a phone call almost every Sunday. Then at AIT I talked to him every single freaking day pretty much. This is nothing like boot camp anymore. I don't get a phone call every Sunday. I get phone calls from weird numbers every few days with questionable connections. We can't speak candidly like we used to. Sometimes he's extra tired or a little down and there's nothing I can do. I miss him more than he knows, more than I understand, more than anyone can tell. My heart is missing.

Please Lord, let him, let us survive this. Let this experience make our young marriage stronger. Let our love for each other grow with time, trials, and separation. Keep him safe and keep his mind keen and sharp. Keep his spirits up and give him hope. Give me patience, understanding, and overall sanity. Guide me. Thank you. Amen.

Yes, I just prayed in a blog. I'm turning Protestant. Not.

S.

P.S. Happy Half-Birthday To Me!