It is after 1 am. I have been trying to get myself to sleep earlier for about 3 days and each night I get lost in my reading and it's after 1. This really needs to stop.
I emptied my room at my old house today. Now I have even more things to squeeze into this cluttered room. I actually packed my car to the brim today. Nothing else would have fit without endangering other drivers due to my impaired visual fields. I even had Tiny smushed in there. I was impressed with myself. I should have taken pictures actually.
Tomorrow (today) I'm planning on unpacking everything I brought over today and possibly heading back to the old house to pack up/go through the living room. That's the next room Dad has to tackle with new carpet. It won't be as harrowing as my bedroom, but there's still some stuff to be packed up and/or thrown away. This whole moving out thing has turned into a long drawn out ordeal. It makes me nervous to ever move again. I'm thinking if this whole Army thing turns into a career for Brian then I'll get pretty good at the moving gig. This really is my first time to truly move an entire house. I'll pretend it's my trial run for when Brian and I actually really move, like with a deadline and everything.
The longest stretch without word from Brian has finally come to an end. 5 whole days went by without a phone call or email. I felt like I was slowly going insane. I'm not kidding. I know that we don't really say very much in the phone calls, but they let me know he's alive and thinking of me. Really, our relationship is functioning through this on a very primal level. We have cut out all the frivolous bullshit and gotten down to what really matters: each others well being. We stay on the phone because we like to hear the other's voice, but we don't really know what to say. Telling him I ran errands doesn't quite seem worthy of words anymore. (I sometimes throw it in anyway so we don't sit in silence.) I've also noticed that after you say "I love you" and "I miss you" a few dozen times, they seem to lose their meaningfulness a little bit. I am always trying to spice up the endings of my letters so it doesn't start to sound rehearsed. Oh the trials and tribulations of deployment.
My pinkie hurts for some reason. Maybe it's telling me to get off the freaking computer and get to bed.
Goodnight.
S.
1 comment:
I try not to forget what you are going through as I wrestle with my own problems. I am here for you, even though I am often preoccupied with my sleepless nights and anxiety-filled days. You help me even more than you know, and I am so grateful for that. You and Brian will make it through this and probably be even stronger for it. I love you a lot!! :) MOM
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