14 days.

I am finding the end of this deployment harder than the beginning and the middle combined. I have a whole lot of things going on in my over active head, but I just know they won't come out in written word very eloquently. I won't even try.

I look around this room and I just can't make myself pack it up yet. I cannot get out of my bed. I cannot turn the TV off or walk to the garage to get boxes. I know the hard packing won't be for awhile. I have so many frivolous things that just need to be put in boxes. I even have a bunch of clothes that I won't be wearing til next summer that could get packed up now. Why can't I just start? I've always been bad at procrastinating, especially at starting projects.

I'm ready to live in more than one room. I'm ready to learn to live with my husband and manage my own house. I'm not ready to leave my security blanket, my safety net. Maybe I won't ever be ready.

I am going to miss so many things about this house and this town that they wouldn't all fit on this webpage. There are so many things I wish were different about this place that I grew up in, but I grew up here. It's mine. I know I'll make new memories and learn to love my new home, but how could it ever compete with the place that I spent 17+ years of my life? My only consolation is that I know I'll be back soon. I'll be back in a couple/few months and then I'll be back again and again. I mean, I am still having my big fancy wedding here next summer. I should stop focusing on leaving and remember I will be coming back before I know it.

My goal is to start packing this weekend. Dad even showed me where the boxes are. I can at least get the knick knacks and summer clothes safely packed away.

I'm this much of a disaster and I still have 14 days.

S.