I went to the gym this morning (yay me!) and hit the elliptical. Right around the point when sweat starts dripping down my face this group of young men in their PT uniforms come into the room. There is something weird about men in groups. It's like they're packs of wolves or something. Well, I shouldn't have been intimidated. This group of manly men were being instructed (by a woman) on how to use a bike machine and then how to use the rock climbing machine. Maybe they had never seen a gym before.(?) Before this happened, though, another fun thing happened. There are windows in the cardio room that look out on hallways. I was right next to a window that looked out on the hallway along the racquetball courts. A crew of old folks walked down that hallway and decided to stop and look through the window at me like I was a zoo animal.
Brian is coming home soon. We're down to about a week. My survival tactic has been to push it out of my mind. I think if I dwelled on it, I'd start freaking out. I still have a few major things to clean around here. The bathroom is starting to gross me out. I bet he wouldn't be too grossed out, though, seeing as he's been in the middle of shithole, Iraq for 5 months. I'll clean it anyway. I'm more nervous about him coming home than I anticipated. I had been nothing but excited until relatively recently, but now I'm nervous. I hope things aren't weird between us and I hope that we don't argue. I just hope we have a good time and enjoy each other.
He should have joined the AF. They're all home by 6 months which is only 1 month longer than this. I only get him for a couple weeks then I need to send him back for another 10 months. Fuckity fuck.
The closing on my house was at 1 today. It's not my house anymore. The keys aren't on my keychain anymore. My room isn't my room. Someone else is calling that house home now. Someone else will be sleeping in my room and cooking in my kitchen. I haven't let myself think too much about this either. I'm trying to find the middle ground on my habit of getting attached to material things. I can't let myself get so attached to things and expect them to be mine forever. I am not planning on living here forever or living in a 2 bedroom house my parents own forever. You have to move on and up in life. I have a tendency to like to stay stuck in one place and I'm trying to break myself of that habit. I think this will help in the future when I'm a slave to the military. I will remember that house fondly for the rest of my life. Alot of good memories were made there and alot of growing up happened within those walls. I'll have to check on my various trees from time to time and see how they're shaping up.
S.
1 comment:
I have to say that I really love this picture. I am sad as well. I get attached to things too. (Remember how I cried when we traded the suburban?). I think it's because we always leave a piece of ourselves behind, and it feels sorta like a death.
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