Decisions and Sacrifices

My life was fairly predictable and monotonous through high school and college. Sure, I had a super shitty boyfriend that caused plenty of drama. I made friends and lost friends. I moved in and out of my parents' house. Through all of it, I was always going to school. The goal never wavered: graduate from high school, graduate from college. I did as I was expected, but then what happens?

Since I was little, I was told that the world was my oyster. I could be anything I wanted to be. I could do anything I wanted to do. I should do what I loved. This didn't just apply to my future career, or so I believed. It was like my entire future was open to me and it was my job to shape it. In a way, I suppose that is true.

What I didn't realize at the time was that in order to shape that future, I would have to make sacrifices. I would have to narrow down the path my life would take and I would have to live with the consequences of that.

I got married (sorta) young. I was barely 22 and heading into my last semester of college. I got married for silly reasons and never stopped to think that by making the decision to get married, I was narrowing down my future. There would be no more dates. There would be no more chance encounters with cute guys. There would be no more flirting. I also married into the military which dictated the kind of life I would have. I definitely wouldn't be living in my hometown anymore. I would move a lot. I would have to start over in new places. I would have to meet new people and go out on a limb on a regular basis. I would have to get over being shy.

I understand the beauty in being single and unattached. Everything is a possibility! Your life is yours to do with whatever you want. I struggled for awhile with the sacrifices I naively made by getting married. I felt trapped, scared, and marginalized (not by Brian, just by life). I pushed the limits of my relationship with Brian. I was a brat. I whined and I cried. I felt sorry for myself.

It took awhile, but at some point I realized that I made the decision to get married and I needed to own that decision. I needed to take responsibility for the choice I made and live with it. It wasn't Brian's fault. I was a grown-ass woman when I took that leap of faith and I needed to put my big girl panties on a deal with it. I could get glad in the same shoes I got mad in.

Life has been much easier since I accepted the decision I made to get married way back when. I think part of growing up is making sacrifices. If I hadn't married Brian, I would have sacrificed this life I have now. Who knows where I would be, but I surely wouldn't be right here, right now. I'm glad I chose this life.

I think my generation is pretty spoiled. We expect to get a lot for a little. We want it all. Well, you can't have it all. And if you try, I think you might end up with nothing or a whole heap of regret. Sometimes you just have to make a decision and stick with it. You have to make the sacrifice, make the leap, and hope for the best.