As always, I'm not sure what to write.
I took a nap this afternoon. Before I fell asleep (or tried anyway), I sank my nose deep into Brian's pillow and breathed him in. I think maybe we leave scents behind to make separations a little more bearable. I'll breathe Brian in every day, multiple times a day, until his scent is replaced by the normal smell of fabric and stuffing. I guess by then I'll have succumbed to the numbness and retreated back into my routine of sleeping, gymming, and eating. Oh and watching inordinate amounts of tv shows.
I don't want to write on and on about how sad/depressed/melancholy/upset/hollow/lonely I am. I am all of those things and more. At the same time, though, I am overwhelmingly grateful for the past 18+ days. They were a much needed gift and I will cherish and love for the rest of my days.
Now, I get to start stockpiling things and sending packages again. I've also vowed to start writing Brian again. I had stopped before for a variety of reasons, but I think all it did was give me more free time and make the distance between us seem greater. It's hard saving things up for the once-in-a-blue-moon phone calls and I never know when he can check his email. Maybe I'll just become an overachiever and write him all over the place. I'm sure he'll love that.
I need to get myself to the gym tomorrow. It's been so long and I think a good gym beating might do me some good. Besides, I'm way behind on Gossip Girl and my favorite place to watch it is on the elliptical.
I miss you, baby.
S.
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